#7 July date

July's date was enjoying an outdoor movie.  We walked right down the street to the town hall, equipped with movie candy and lawn chairs.  The farmer's market is also on Thursday nights, so we got a bag of kettle corn and settled in for Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2.  We might have looked a little weird being the only ones there who didn't have children or who were 70+, but for once it wasn't raining and we had a good time.  I forgot to get a picture though!

"A Thousand Years"

I'm out of the loop in terms of the vampire genre as I really have no interest in it, so I'm a little late in hearing this song from Twilight.  It came on one of my Pandora stations a while ago and since then has become one of my adoption songs.  While it's about romantic love, almost all of the words are also perfect for a waiting parent/adopted child relationship.  Whenever it comes on, I can't help but sing it for the one I'm waiting for.

"A Thousand Years"

Christina Perri

Heart beats fast

Colors and promises

How to be brave?

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?

But watching you stand alone,

All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.

One step closer

I have died every day waiting for you

Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still

Beauty in all she is

I will be brave

I will not let anything take away

What's standing in front of me

Every breath

Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died every day waiting for you

Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you

Time has brought your heart to me

I have loved you for a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

in the valley

Sunday night, I found myself sitting in the rocker in our fully-stocked nursery, my Bible in one hand, tissues in the other, crying and trying to pray.  "Not for a Moment (After All)" by Meredith Andrews, a song we had sang in church just that morning (one that makes me cry every.single.time it plays on the radio or in church) ran through my head, and once again I tried to hold on to the truth in its words.  I had been triggered and hit with an onslaught of emotions that never seem to be too far away, and this time I chose to cry them out in the one room of our house that sits closed up and unused.

I hate to admit it, but more recently I've found myself wanting to give up, over this adoption process.  The days and weeks and months have passed, with the magical "time" of us becoming parents a continued mystery.  When I looked through our adoption profile book a few weeks ago after printing a copy to display at our garage sale, I realized just how much has changed since we created it last year.  Our nieces and friends' kids and babies are so much older, our community group through church has changed a couple times, we've re-arranged rooms and made updates to the house and yard.  Our positions and jobs have changed, our ages, our routines.  It feels so long ago, and yet in this one area of our lives, we haven't moved.  However, we have changed immensely, experienced a new kind of pain, longing, and loss.  We've been reminded of the good and bad that have brought us here, how life just isn't fair, and The One who carries us through.  We've grown in our faith and closer to each other.

I looked around the bright room, at the adorable animals, soft blankets, and board books.  As much as I try not to, I wonder if this room and everything in it will ever get the chance to be used and loved.  I notice the chalk board that I wrote on a few weeks ago when I was struggling, "Little L, come home soon.  Mommy misses you."  I do, I miss him or her with all my heart and yet know nothing about that precious life yet.

  

We've had to make some really hard decisions lately, ones that I don't feel we have the right to make.  Every time we do finally get a profiling opportunity, it's more difficult than the last.  There isn't as much anticipation, merely a self-preservation that allows a few thoughts of, "If this were to be...." but mostly waits to hear that it's not our time.  It's simply, hard.  And even though I hold it together quite well, we both function normally and go through each day without breaking down or causing a fuss, we have fun together, we make plans, we laugh and enjoy life, for me, in the midst of this journey, there are still a million tiny thoughts of longing that cross my mind each day.

In the dark after climbing into bed, Colin asked me how I was doing.  He wondered if I would be able to sleep and held me as I spoke some of my newest fears to him.  When I spoke of wanting to give up, knowing full-well that my practical side won't let me because of all that we've invested in the process thus far (not to mention we have already renewed and are set for another year), instead of telling me that I couldn't, like he did all those months ago when our hearts were broken, he simply spoke of his love for me no matter what happens.  And that's when I realized that my laid-back husband was also experiencing frustration, sadness, anger, and doubt.  

We are both in a valley, one of the many that comes with this journey.  But in order for valleys to exist, there must be mountains.  And even though the climb may be tough, the view at the top is always worth it.  On my hardest days, in the moments when we want to give up, when I want nothing more than to jump in a car and go on a permanent vacation from it all, I know that no matter how much I doubt and question and struggle to believe that the view exists, God has seen that view.  He knows exactly where we will be tomorrow, next month, next year, and forever.  He has a plan, which is most likely different than our own, but which is perfect and purposeful.  It terrifies me and thrills me.  But I know that I am here on this earth to love God and love others, to bring glory to Him.  And if I must struggle in order to do so, then so be it.  I am here to please Him and if our story brings even one person closer to His love and grace, then it is worth it.  He knows exactly where we are, and we must rest in that truth.

So no, we are not giving up.  We are trusting that God has a child in mind for us, that our calling to adopt is still true even though it feels like doors have closed, that we will be parents someday.  That Colin's childhood desire to "be a dad" will be fulfilled.  That our hearts and arms will be full, with whomever God calls us to love, child or not.

12th puzzle update!

Special thanks to:

Kris & Julie

vaca get-away

We were fortunate to be able to take another short vacation, this time with Col's family.  We went to Holiday Valley from Sunday to Wednesday and enjoyed relaxing days of pool/hot tub time, mountain coaster rides, exploring the town and shops, food, and great time all together, especially playing with our nieces.  It was so nice to get away for a few days!

I didn't take my camera out at all, but here are a few pics of our adventures!

 

mountain coaster rides!

 

our precious nieces

 

 

exploring the creek by our lodge

 

visiting the rock formations at Little Rock City

11th puzzle update!

Guess what?!  We are so much closer to finishing our puzzle fundraiser!  We only have 45 pieces left!  Please consider donating to help us finish Little L's puzzle so that we can frame it and see everyone's names who helped bring Little L home.  For the complete explanation, visit here.

Special thanks to:

Mark & Pam

Bill & JoAnn

Mary

Derek & Adrienne

Mike & Madison

Linda

Steve & Diane

Success! Our Adoption Fundraiser Yard Sale

As many of you know, we held our first ever adoption fundraiser yard sale this past weekend!  Saturday was AMAZING!  We got up bright and early and started setting up and even though the sale got well underway around 8:30a (we planned to start at 9a), we were able to finish setting everything out not long after 9a. 

It was a beautiful, hot sunny day, and so perfect for a yard sale!  We had a ton of traffic, were able to talk to people about our adoption, our lemonade stand manned by cute kids was a hit, and we made way more than we would have ever imagined!  Col was a beast and manned the floor like nobody's business!  He helped people test out electronics with extension cords, negotiated with people on prices and greeted everyone.  I am so thankful for him!  My introverted-self manned the checkout station and kept track of customers piles.  It was a fantastic day!

Unfortunately, we were rained out on Sunday.  We had about enough time to set up before the sprinkling turned into downpours which would let up for 20 minutes or so until it finally downpoured all afternoon.  We were disappointed, because we were excited to experience day 2 and sell a lot of stuff all at 50% off, but unfortunately the weather had other plans.  We made $59 on Sunday.  We still have some furniture and items to sell on craigslist that didn't go at the sale, which will also help.   Thankfully Saturday was successful, so it was all worth it!

We want to send a HUGE thank you to everyone who donated to our sale.  Because of you, we were able to offer a wide variety of many items for our customers.  Also, thank you to those who lent us much needed tables for set-up.  Your donations are what allowed us to be so successful!

Thank you to Christine and Heather for helping us sort and price items in the weeks before, especially when I was starting to get overwhelmed with the volume of stuff.

Thank you to our parents for helping us sort and prepare items before-hand, their constant help all day long at the sale, setting up, tearing down, feeding us, and for supporting us in yet another adoption-related venture!  My father-in-law was awesome at re-arranging and making everything look organized as the day went on.

Thank you to Heather and Aaron, who not only supplied what we needed for our lemonade stand, but sat in the sun to serve everyone.  A huge blessing!  Thank you to my sister-in-law and niece Kenzie, who also sold lots of lemonade for us.  We were going to forgo the lemonade stand last minute because we were overwhelmed, but I am so thankful to Heather and these two kiddos who owned it and made it such a success!

Thank you to Brenton and Rachel who helped us load everything into the garage right before the longest and hardest downpour of the day that closed us down.  Without you, we wouldn't have had it done in time!

Thank you to everyone who shared our event, talked about our journey, donated money, and stopped by the sale.  We are in awe of the people who God has placed in our lives and so blessed by everyone's generosity.  Words cannot express how grateful we are.  So I'll just say, thank you and we appreciate every single one of you!

I am so upset with myself for not taking any pictures!  We were running around like crazy all day, and I didn't even think about it. :(

And so, we are happy to report that with our craigslist pre-sales, generous donations, lemonade stand, and awesome yard sale, we raised:

$1,273.00!!!

 

Thank you for helping us bring Little L home! :)

 

THIS WEEKEND! Huge adoption fundraiser yard sale!

I've been behind on blogging, but that's because our lives have been overtaken by preparations for our

HUGE adoption fundraiser yard sale

Saturday, July 12 9a-5p & Sunday, July 13 9a-5p

Harmony Lane, Rochester 14622

We have received such huge support by way of donations that our entire downstairs and garage are full!  And we have more items coming this week and on Saturday morning!  So many people have been generous to us, and it's been a flurry of sorting, pricing, and organizing.

(This actually looks so much better than it was.

The fact that we've managed to open up a walkway is amazing!)

We've been working on signs and had some out last weekend for the 4th of July because we live 2 seconds from our town's festivities.  We've posted on Facebook, Craigslist, in multiple garage sale groups, a mommy group, and on here.  We've borrowed tables, bribed friends and family to volunteer on the sale days.  We've even sold a few big ticket items already.  We've been stressed, our house is chaotic, our evenings are filled with more sorting, pricing, and preparing, but I'm ready to just get started!

And so we ask you, please share our event with everyone you know!  My worst fear is no one will show up.  But I know God will work through this!  We are excited to share our story and will have our adoption profile out for people to look at.

Some of the items you will find:

-furniture

-glassware

-dishes

-small kitchen appliances

-strollers

-baby clothes

-baby toys

-games

-DVDs

-electronics, big and small

-decor

-books, adult and children's

-outdoor stuff

Share the news please!  And if you are looking for another way to share, post this link to our FB event on your wall.  Also, we can definitely use your prayers.  Pray for nice weather, pray for peace (I tend to stress out and want everything organized), pray for customers, pray for us to share our story and demonstrate God's love, and pray that we have time to set everything up each morning!  Thank you!

Happy 4th of July!

Happy 4th of July!  No pics, of course, except for the patriotic trifle that I made :)

We enjoyed free ice cream, the parade, festival, and having family and friends over for a picnic, games, bonfire, and fireworks.  It was a perfect, relaxing day to take a break from garage sale preparations!

And, over this long weekend, I also get to see Deanna who's home from Nashville, and we are going camping for one night with the Irondequoit crew!  Can't wait :)