becoming mom

One year ago today I became: an adoptive mom, an advocate, a NICU mom, a part of a transracial family, a boy mom, a successful match, a first-time mom, an Adoption STAR parent. But most of all, I became MOM.

My heart is full. Today I remember that amazing, emotional, wonderful day one year ago when I first laid eyes and hands on our son!

Happy 1st birthday, my precious boy!

One.  I can't believe that you are already 1.  I always knew the time would fly by when everyone said so, but I never knew how fast.  I've spent a lot of time reflecting as your birthday draws close, and my heart is full of so many emotions.  And as we all know, I've royally neglected this blog while learning how to balance our new life as a family of 3.  But even though I might not be able to get down all of the thoughts that I've been mulling over, I wanted to make sure to do this day its justice, not only for you, but for J as well.

You see, your birthday is not about the day that we became parents.  It's about you and your birth mommy.  Because when you came into the world one year ago today on October 14th at 6:43pm, we had absolutely no idea.  Daddy was just getting home from work and I was out with my family at an alumni fundraiser basketball game watching my dad play.  I sat there, composing a very different one year blog post in my head, one in which I would write to the little girl who was our first match, and who was about to turn 1.  

I had no idea that on this night one year ago, the world would change forever for a woman who I didn't know but who would become a part of my heart and thoughts.  She gave birth to you, a precious, tiny 5 lb 7 oz baby boy.  And while sometimes it makes me sad that I wasn't there, I also feel that it was a sacred time that I do not want to disrupt.  Because while I've never given birth, I can only imagine the wealth of overwhelming emotion and pain, especially when an adoption plan is involved.

And so, while I watched your grandpa play basketball, with a heart that still ached and longed to be a mommy, while daddy wound down after a day at work with a hundred kids, none of which would come home with him, J bravely and selflessly delivered you into this world.  Your story outside of the womb on this earth began.  And it's okay that we didn't know it yet.  Because this is all part of your story, and this day is reserved for you to celebrate the incredible love that J has for you.  The bond that she forged with you for 9 months, culminating in your birth.  And while we pray that this isn't the end of your story with her, for now we have to celebrate without her.  And so, this day we celebrate you and we honor the woman who gave you life and taught you the great depths of a mommy's love.  Today is your day, together.

Tonight, we will light a candle at 6:43pm for J, your birth mommy, to symbolize our love, thoughts, and prayers for her and to include her in our celebration.  Happy birthday, sweet one.  We love you, so very much!

11 months

Choosing relationships over my to-do list

I’m a type A planner who has a constant to-do list.  It’s rare for me to be without my scrap of paper full of items that I need to complete, ranging anywhere from the non-important (paint toenails) to the necessary (make doctor's appointment) and everything in between.  Juggling my new role as mommy while working full-time, I’m even more overwhelmed by the to-do list and items that never seem to get checked off.  It’s hard to do anything when you feel like every moment at home should be spent with the adorable child you ache for when leaving each day.  And so the list gets transferred, some things get crossed off, but more often than not they are written once more during a burst of motivation (usually when not at home and when unable to complete the tasks).   

Since going back to work, I have an “extra” four hours on Wednesdays when I’m able to be home.  I usually see this as time to accomplish some tasks (although nap time, when it actually happens for a good chunk of time, often beckons for laziness on my part).  Recently, I was presented with a last minute opportunity to spend time with another mom and her little one.  Part of me wanted to say no, but I really had no good reason to.  For some, it might be a no-brainer to spend time with people rather than stay home and clean, but for me, I have to make a conscious choice.  Ever since that day, where we enjoyed fun play time (EJ received his first kiss, hehe) and a walk, I’ve thought about my time.  While it is necessary to keep the house somewhat clean (bare minimum lately), grocery shop, and cook for my family (eating happens, though it might not be awesome meals), it’s also just as necessary to pour into relationships, those in my house and those outside.  I could easily become a hermit aside from a few close relationships, but I know that I’m not doing anyone any good by doing so.  My priorities are to my family yes, but also to showing God’s love by having relationships with people.  And how can I do that if all I’ve done is check off items on my to-do list?

9th annual weekend getaway!

It was our 9th year going to Katie's family camp.  I love the fact that we've gone every year for so long, and plan to for as long as we can.  It's such a fun retreat to have and look back on how things have changed.  And looking back on my post last year, our hopes came true, and Ephraim got to enjoy this first year at camp!

First lake "swim." It was a little cold!

(don't mind the pink and purple, poor EJ gets some borrowed items from his two girl cousins ;))

the pups

the crew

the best

10 months

Adoption finalization!

We have officially finalized Ephraim's adoption into our family!  It only took about 10 months, but we are now stuck with each other forever (and we're really ok with that :)).  

Leading up to finalization I was thinking about so much with our adoption journey and J.  I couldn't help but think that even though she had no idea that Wednesday had extra meaning, I wish that she knew how he was, who he was.  I wish she was here to see him grow up, experience some of the joy that we get to every day.  To know he's happy, safe, loved.  To know that we love her, that we are forever grateful to her, but that we also support her.  

Until you've been through an adoption, whether your own journey or alongside someone else's, you never really understand the complex emotions that come along it all.  To feel the honor, joy, unworthiness of raising a child not born to you, but to also feel the pain, hurt, and wonder how birth families are doing.  To be happy to finalize, make permanent a child's placement into your family and home, but to know that it means there is a mom, a dad, a family out there who is missing and loving that same child.  It's the ultimate in learning that you can experience multiple emotions at once, and a huge lesson in empathy.

For some, finalization is much anticipated and anxiously awaited.  However, we've always felt that it would happen when it happened (the fact of the matter is, the courts are slow).  Because nothing could really change (we are well past the 90 day revocation period), we've always felt that we just wanted to enjoy our son and when the last paper was signed, it would be joyous, but would not change how we feel about keeping our hearts open to an open adoption, or birth families, or Ephraim.  And when our date came, we enjoyed it very much!

Court was scheduled for 10a, prime nap time, so Ephraim had 10 min. of sleep before we scooped him up, dressed him up, and headed out.  My parents, Col's parents, our nieces and my sister-in-law accompanied us.  Even as we went through security, one of the guards was joking around with us and guessed correctly that we were there for an adoption.  He said our judge was a great guy, one who went to his church (yay!).  Once we got upstairs, we weren't there long when the clerk said the judge was ready, and we made our way into the surrogacy courtroom.  We sat at a table with the judge and our lawyer, confirmed our names, date of births, etc, and signed one paper.  Then he shook our hands and said, "It's final!"  The judge was great, talking to Ephraim, shaking his hand too.  And the whole ordeal took 5 minutes.  It's funny, after having our entire lives as one giant open book, signing tons of documents and paperwork, it only took one signature.  Then we got some pictures and took over the room for a few minutes until Ephraim had had enough and wanted to go home and sleep (unfortunately that meant no smiles from the man of the hour for pictures).

We spent the rest of the day with family and had dinner with everyone at our house that evening.  It was the perfect way to celebrate Ephraim and his Family Day.  And when we tell him of it for years to come (if he cares to know), may he know that while he became a permanent part of our family that day, he did not lose a single part of his birth family.  His birth certificate may hold our names now, but we will never withhold the truth of his background from him.  And I hope that for him, Family Day will mean the love of his entire family, birth and adoptive.

I'm bored guys, so I'm going to blow bubbles.

9 months