Showing posts with label beauty from pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beauty from pain. Show all posts

Sunday, October 26, 2014

the story of Little L : part 2

Thursday morning while we were getting ready, I received a call from the agency.  All too familiar with the pain of last year's morning-of call, I made Col answer it because I just couldn't.  Thankfully, it was just a call to adjust our arrival time to the agency by a half an hour.  Phew!  We finished our errands and headed out, when I got another call.  I answered and told our family advocate that she was killing us with all her calls!  She agreed but said that she made sure to make her voice upbeat, because these were thankfully happy calls!  She wanted us to know that Ephraim's birth mom had signed the paperwork, so we were on track to continue there.  It was nice to know that we didn't have to wonder on our drive there, but we couldn't believe that this was finally really happening!

Once at the agency, we signed the placement paperwork and then followed another social worker to the hospital where he was.  We blindly went in, up the elevator and through the doors to the NICU.  Then into the room he was in, where she led us to the back left corner, to peer in and see our beautiful, tiny bundle!  I immediately began crying because it was just so amazing to see this precious babe who was now our son!  She took a few pictures, introduced us to some of the hospital staff who got us set up at the Ronald McDonald House, and soon left.  We learned more about why he was there and even had to sign a consent form for a procedure for him that evening.  Talk about being rushed into parenthood!  It was a blur of an evening but so amazing to finally hold our son, this baby who we and many others have prayed for!



Ephraim was on antibiotics for pneumonia, however his labs came back clear that he never had the infection nor any others.  But because the course had been started, he had to finish it out for the full seven days.  Also, he had low blood sugar and was first receiving glucose in an IV to supplement his regular feedings.  When that wasn't enough to get his numbers up, he was given a PIC line which more directly delivered the glucose.  Over a few days, they were able to quickly decreased the amount of glucose that he was given and then he was off the line.  It was wonderful to watch his numbers get better so quickly, and he spent the second week at the hospital completely off any glucose.  His numbers were monitored every three hours, and they wanted him to maintain a certain level for 24 hours.  While he did well, he would often have one borderline low number each 24 hour period, usually around 3a.  So we waited and waited for his body to regulate.  The doctors and nurses were not concerned as this is a common issue that they see, especially in smaller babies.  He was deemed full-term, but born at 5 lbs. 7 oz.  They reassured us that his body would regulate on its own, it just took time.


We invited our parents and Colin's sister and brother-in-law to come up on Friday to meet him, and that was a fun day.  We enjoyed the weekend, with visits from our parents again.


Colin had to leave on Monday and come back to work.  I was fortunate to have my mom stay with me for a couple of nights and days, my mother-in-law come up for an evening, and my dad sit with me on Friday.  It was rough, draining, and exhausting to be in the hospital for those 11 days.  I constantly reminded myself that I had much to be grateful for as Ephraim was doing well, and the preemies who we shared rooms with would be there for months, not weeks.  But it was a new experience and overwhelming as we waited for him to regulate.  It was hard being there every day, usually from 9a to 9p, while Col was back in Rochester.  We missed each other, him wanting to be in Buffalo and me wanting to be home, missing my bed, bathroom, house, and dog.  We just wanted Ephraim to come home but knew we couldn't rush the process and wanted him healthy most of all.  There were a few moments while there that were the most overwhelming for me, as the emotions of our super fast placement and the days in the NICU wore on me.


We were blessed by being able to stay at the Ronald McDonald House, which was overall amazing.  We couldn't say enough about it, and it was especially great once Colin left because they offered a shuttle to and from the hospital so I didn't have to worry about not having a car there.  Meals were made every day and the fully-stocked kitchen was always open.  It was a comfortable, safe, and very minimally priced place to stay, which was greatly appreciated.  That first night when we checked in, I looked around at the families eating dinner and was speechless at how, in 24 hours, everything had changed.  I was a MOM and a NICU mom.  Crazy how life happens, isn't it?


Thankfully, we were able to hold him whenever we wanted, change and feed him every time we were there, and some nurses even began including us in other aspects of his care since we were there so much.  We took his temperature every time they did vitals, and I got to give him a sponge bath one evening.  The nurses and doctors were amazing, and we got to know a few of them who worked multiple days during our time there.  I sometimes felt like I was a tech in the room, joking with them, getting used to all the monitors, beeps, etc.  I became proficient at changing and moving him with all of his wires attached.  And it was comforting for me as a new mom to always know what his oxygen levels were.  

On Friday, they said that we would probably be discharged on Saturday but that they were sending me home with a glucometer to check his blood sugar ourselves every three hours.  I was taught how to use it, and felt comfortable as I had seen it done a million times already.  Colin came back up that evening after work, and we were reunited again.  


We were happily discharged on Saturday late afternoon and finally arrived home as a family of three!



Everything changed for us in 24 hours.  God is SO good and faithful!

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

adoption updates and reflections

We have been in the adoption process for an official year and a half now.  It feels much longer because we started meeting with families and researching a year before even applying to an agency.  Maybe it's because of my attempt to always control everything, but I wanted to look back and recap what our experience has been so far in numbers.  I know the numbers don't mean anything, because it all comes down to that one "yes" that actually becomes a permanent placement, but I thought it would be helpful regardless.

During our journey thus far we have had:
  • 14 - profiling opportunities (that we knew about - we could have been profiled more times "blindly," which we don't always hear about)
  • 2 - matches (September '13 and February '14)
  • 2 - babies born (baby girl 10/17/13 and baby boy 2/14?/14)
  • 2 - matches fail (10/18/13 and 2/17/14)
  • 4 - opportunities that we declined having our profiles shown for (which were heart wrenching to do, especially when it came down to finances)
  • 2 - we never heard back about
  • 6 - no's (prospective birthparents chose other families)
Unfortunately, it feels like we've been given a lot of no's lately.  And it's hard to wonder why we aren't being picked even though only God and the birthmom's know why.  Deep down I know these babies are not our own (although I wish they were!), and so I'm continuing to learn patience and trust in God's timing.

I woke up this morning tired, but feeling hope in a new day.  I'm always trying to balance my emotions and not become too numb but also not allow my excitement to get away from me.  We've found a pretty neutral space where we continue to focus on enjoying our lives and pray every day for the prospective birthmoms and babies who we are called about.  And I do dream and envision, but I also try more to just focus on what God is teaching me here and now no matter what answer we hear.  We soldier on, knowing that God does have a plan, no matter how much the negative voices tell us the opposite.

And you know what else we've had despite the trials?
  • Countless - opportunities to trust God, share our story with others, and give Him the glory!

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ~Lamentations 3:22-23

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

when the beautiful causes pain

Tonight with the help of my parents, we cut down the tree in the front of our house.  While right now it's beautifully blooming and welcoming spring, it was unfortunately planted too close to the house and is/can cause problems.  When we first bought our house the inspector said we should remove it because the roots could affect the foundation, the branches tear our screens, the siding would be discolored from the tree blocking it, and I can't plant anything in the flower bed since no sun or rain would be able to nurture it.  At first I was against taking it down, because it does bloom beautifully for a short while in the spring, however that isn't worth the long-term issues that we could have.  Branches are growing through the screens and into our living room when the windows are open, and I'm over not being able to see out our front windows.



I was initially just going to blog about saying goodbye to the tree, but I had a deeper thought and decided to run with it.  How often in life do the beautiful things cause us pain?  Especially today in our society, where "beauty" is everywhere but is often anything but.  And I can't help but think about how adoption is such a beautiful way to grow a family and representation of Christ's love, however it isn't all happy and comes from and causes pain as a birth family chooses a different life for their child, or a child is orphaned, or a birth family's rights are removed.  And how much more does this also represent the gospel, the fact that we are wholly, unconditionally loved, given freedom from our sins and life eternal, yet for this to happen Jesus had to endure the greatest of pain by death on the cross before the beauty of the gospel could be complete.  Something to think about.  I'm thankful God can remind me of these things amidst every day life.