This was our busiest Thanksgiving ever! We had four days of family time, but it was for a wonderful reason, introducing Ephraim! Wednesday evening we spent with Colin's mom's side of the family for a traditional Thanksgiving meal. Thanksgiving day we relaxed at home until the afternoon when we had a relaxing, low-key Thanksgiving meal with my in-laws, sis- and bro-in-law, and nieces. And Friday was spent once again at my in-laws with Colin's dad's side of the family for a yummy soup sampler dinner. Ephraim got to be loved on by his great aunts and uncles and great grandparents.
Saturday evening (after our first date night out since bringing Ephraim home!), we spent the night at my parents house and went to church with them. We then got to see a good number of my relatives, many extended who we don't see often. It was another relaxing, fun day hanging out with family.
We are so blessed this year with much to be thankful for. So glad we could spend this year with our little man!
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Saturday, November 29, 2014
#10 October date
October's date was celebrated a month late, but for good reason ;) The date was dinner at Yianni's, an Italian restaurant near our college where we celebrated our one month dating anniversary and our graduation. They have great early bird specials, and while we are usually the youngest ones there, we love it! We hadn't been there in years, so it was great to re-visit, not to mention it was our first date night since Ephraim joined our family!
Saturday, November 22, 2014
FAQ's about Little L
Hi everyone! We've had a slow morning around the house today, which has been nice. But now that Bubs is sleeping and Col's off working, I thought I would try to catch up on some blogging! This morning while lying in bed I was running through this post in my head, so it's time to finally get it written!
We've been asked some questions since bringing Little L home, and I thought I would cover those that have been asked the most frequently. If you have any others, I'd love to read them in the comments!
Q : How do you say his name?
A : Ephraim is pronounced "ef-ruhm"
Q : How did you come up with his name, Ephraim Jacob? / Did you name him?
A : Yes, we named him. I first heard the name Ephram in the show Everwood which I watched in High School (I know, kind of lame). The name is also in the Bible (spelled Ephraim and often pronounced differently), and means "fruitful." I've loved it for many years, and we are so excited to finally get to use it! Colin came up with the middle name of Jacob to go along with it.
We did decide on a nickname a while ago to use alongside Ephraim and in case he hates having a "different" name someday, which is E.J.
Q : What is his nationality?
A : Little L's nationality is American (he was born in Buffalo). But I know that the question everyone means to ask is, what is his ethnic/racial background? He is bi-racial, half Caucasian and half African American.
Q : What do you know about his parents?
A : Everything actually because that's us! As for his birth parents, we have minimal information as everything happened very fast with his case (less than 24 hours!). The information that we do have, we are limiting our sharing of because even though we are very open and love to talk about adoption, we realize that this information is a part of Ephraim's story, not ours. We will share with him all the details that we have as he grows and his adoption will also be known to him, but it will ultimately be his choice whether or not, and what, he shares with people about his birth family and background.
Q : Did you meet his birth mom?
A : No. Unfortunately per her the adoption is closed at this time. This is where most people say that it's better that way, and I wholeheartedly disagree. We are open to an open adoption, open to the point of having contact and visits every year with birth families. This does not mean that we would be co-parenting or "sharing" him. He is not an object which we have won. He is a child who should have the opportunity to know his biological parents. When you are educated on the positive impact this has especially on the children involved in the adoption triad (child, birth parents, and adoptive parents), it is extremely disappointing when you are not able to have that relationship. We loved meeting the potential birth mom from our first match. And we would love to have that connection for Ephraim, so that he could know his roots, ask questions that we don't have answers to (and there are many), and physically see and understand the love that everyone has for him. At this time, we send pictures and letters to the agency, and we are praying that someday a relationship can be formed and the adoption opened.
Q : Isn't there a time period where the birth parents can decide to parent even after making an adoption plan?
A : Yes, in New York State birth parents can change their minds within 30 days of when the paperwork was signed/placement happened. For us, that was on October 16th, and we are past that 30 day period. All that is left are completing our three post-placement visits with our social worker (we've had one so far), and then finalization which happens at court and with our attorney. This usually takes up to a year because the courts are slow, but we aren't worried as it's a formality. We will get his social security number and birth certificate at that time, but he's already a permanent, real part of our family and we don't need the courts to tell us that :)
We are over-the-moon in love with our little guy as are our families and friends. We feel extremely blessed to be given the opportunity to raise him. People often say that a child who has been adopted is lucky, but we are truly the lucky ones. It's also not lost on me that our adoption fundraiser puzzle was completed the day Ephraim was born, and that his birth and placement was almost exactly a year after our first match (he was born 10/14/14, she was born 10/17/13). God works in mysterious ways!
Friday, November 14, 2014
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
part 3 : supporting adoptive families
Posting Part 3 of one of my favorite blog posts ever. I posted Part 1 here and Part 2 here, but am so excited to finally do the last installment as we are now home with our baby!
It's a little late since we've been home for a little over a week now (and I am embarrassingly behind here on very important updates!), but we are experiencing so much of this from our amazing families and friends. Thank you all!
Millions of Miles: Supporting Adoptive Families
3. Once families are home:
•All the same rules apply as when you bring a baby home from the hospital. Bring food, offer to coordinate meals and food drop-offs for church groups. Come over and clean. Wash clothes and put away laundry. Wash dishes. Do not believe the A.F. when they say they do not need help. THEY DO!
•Respect the A.F's rules regarding holding their new addition. Many families may wish to not have any outsiders (this includes Grandma!) holding their child so that this child who has been with many caregivers can learn who mom and dad are. A.F's do not do this to hurt your feelings. They are only doing what they feel is best for their new child. Do not make them feel bad about this.
•Also- sometimes to foster attachment in our adopted kiddos, the parent's don't want to leave them with a sitter or family member for a long period of time after coming home. Understand that this is not because the family member or sitter is not trusted or loved. It is just to help give the new child the right sense of family and permanence.
•Offer to run the carpool, run errands, cut the grass, babysit the siblings, pick up items at the grocery. New moms are notoriously sleep deprived- even if this is the 10th child they've adopted. Drop over a huge cup of Starbucks. Say hello at the door with said cup of coffee and leave.
•Give gift cards for takeout and pizza- so that long after the food welcome wagon has stopped coming, the family can still eat without having to cook! Seriously- who wants to cook when you've been up all night with a crying baby?
•Even though the A.F. did not give birth, families who are bringing home new children will be exhausted from long nights in the hospital (domestic adoption), long flights or a week or two in a foreign land with a new child who has most likely been screaming non-stop or acting out because the child has no idea what is happening to them. Give the A.F. the forum to share how ragged they are. Do not judge them. Every single part is not going to be perfect. Let them get how hard it all is off their chest without feeling guilty about it.
•Watch for post adoption depression. It is a real thing. Just because a woman isn't flooded with pregnancy hormones, doesn't mean that she can't develop depression. There is a lot of leadup going into an adoption and sometimes the reality is tough and can lead to lots of emotional ugliness. Be supportive.
•Do not expect adoptive parents to be "super parents". I find that there is a huge stigma that adoptive families should have it all together because they "paid a lot" for their children. All families are on a learning curve- no matter how they got their children. Do not be quick to dispense advice if you've never adopted a child (because parenting an adopted child in the early days is a lot different than a biological child), but be quick to say, "How can I help?"- Then be willing to actually help!
•Most of all, share in the joy that comes with bringing a new child into the family!
See the whole post here.
It's a little late since we've been home for a little over a week now (and I am embarrassingly behind here on very important updates!), but we are experiencing so much of this from our amazing families and friends. Thank you all!
Millions of Miles: Supporting Adoptive Families
3. Once families are home:
•All the same rules apply as when you bring a baby home from the hospital. Bring food, offer to coordinate meals and food drop-offs for church groups. Come over and clean. Wash clothes and put away laundry. Wash dishes. Do not believe the A.F. when they say they do not need help. THEY DO!
•Respect the A.F's rules regarding holding their new addition. Many families may wish to not have any outsiders (this includes Grandma!) holding their child so that this child who has been with many caregivers can learn who mom and dad are. A.F's do not do this to hurt your feelings. They are only doing what they feel is best for their new child. Do not make them feel bad about this.
•Also- sometimes to foster attachment in our adopted kiddos, the parent's don't want to leave them with a sitter or family member for a long period of time after coming home. Understand that this is not because the family member or sitter is not trusted or loved. It is just to help give the new child the right sense of family and permanence.
•Offer to run the carpool, run errands, cut the grass, babysit the siblings, pick up items at the grocery. New moms are notoriously sleep deprived- even if this is the 10th child they've adopted. Drop over a huge cup of Starbucks. Say hello at the door with said cup of coffee and leave.
•Give gift cards for takeout and pizza- so that long after the food welcome wagon has stopped coming, the family can still eat without having to cook! Seriously- who wants to cook when you've been up all night with a crying baby?
•Even though the A.F. did not give birth, families who are bringing home new children will be exhausted from long nights in the hospital (domestic adoption), long flights or a week or two in a foreign land with a new child who has most likely been screaming non-stop or acting out because the child has no idea what is happening to them. Give the A.F. the forum to share how ragged they are. Do not judge them. Every single part is not going to be perfect. Let them get how hard it all is off their chest without feeling guilty about it.
•Watch for post adoption depression. It is a real thing. Just because a woman isn't flooded with pregnancy hormones, doesn't mean that she can't develop depression. There is a lot of leadup going into an adoption and sometimes the reality is tough and can lead to lots of emotional ugliness. Be supportive.
•Do not expect adoptive parents to be "super parents". I find that there is a huge stigma that adoptive families should have it all together because they "paid a lot" for their children. All families are on a learning curve- no matter how they got their children. Do not be quick to dispense advice if you've never adopted a child (because parenting an adopted child in the early days is a lot different than a biological child), but be quick to say, "How can I help?"- Then be willing to actually help!
•Most of all, share in the joy that comes with bringing a new child into the family!
See the whole post here.
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