supporting adoptive families

I read this blog post oh, over a year ago, and absolutely loved it.  I didn't know yet what it was like to be in the process, but I knew we would be someday and really liked how she addressed the many similarities to pregnancy/adoption and bringing a new baby/child home.  Unfortunately, adoption is a topic that many don't know much about unless you know someone who has gone through the process.  I knew that I would link this on my own blog someday, and that day is now!

Millions of Miles: Supporting Adoptive Families
Having been through both the adoption experience and the child birth experience, I found that all kinds of people know how to take care of you after you give birth, but hardly anyone knows the right things to do when you bring home your adopted child. Most people also don't know how to respond appropriately when you tell them that you are adopting in the first place. This is meant to be a guide for the friends and families of adoptive families in the praying/planning/dreaming phase as well as families in process and newly home. Link it up, cut and paste, email it out to your family. I will say all the things to your family that you are afraid to say or maybe that you yourself don't even know that you need yet! (I don't mind being the heavy!)

1. When your loved one comes to you with the news that they are planning to adopt:

•Do not say, "Oh, don't give up trying for 'your own'" or "Don't you want to have one of 'your own' instead? Adoption is not something people enter into lightly. And prospective adoptive families already do consider this child that they do not even know as 'their own'. By saying this to an adoptive family, it insinuates that you will not be accepting their new addition as your 'own' grandchild/niece/nephew/etc. Also- many families that consider adoption have been through long periods of time dealing with infertility and adoption may be a very emotional decision. It signifies the end of one dream and the beginning of a new dream. Supporters need to be very sensitive to this and be positive!

•Share your concerns about the finances of adoption, but do it in a non-judgemental way. Yes, adoption is expensive. But you need to understand that there are grants, fundraisers, and ways to acquire the money. So instead of looking at the people who want to adopt and saying, "Oh my gosh- you are so poor, you will never be able to afford this!" say something like, "I know that this will be expensive, how can we help you plan a fundraiser?"

•Do not recall in gory detail every terrible adoption story you've ever heard. This is the equivalent of telling a pregnant woman that her baby will be born with 12 arms and she will be in labor for 3 weeks and her boobs will fall all the way down to the ground after breastfeeding. Just don't do it.

•If the family is adopting internationally, do not condescendingly talk about how there are so many kids here in America who need home. Each person needs to do what feels right for their family. Sometimes that means adopting domestically, and sometimes that means going international. Either way, a child who needs a home and a family will get one. Focus on that fact and leave your personal opinions about which you think is best to yourself. Remember- they are BOTH awesome (and BOTH necessary!)

Please click on the link below to read the rest :)
Millions of Miles: Supporting Adoptive Families

adoption faq's

Since our adoption announcement, we've received a lot of questions, so I thought I'd compile some basic ones here.  If there is anything that I haven't answered, please comment below!  We are very open to talking about our adoption and the process, and I love to do so (now that I can, I don't want to stop!  Can you tell I've been anxiously waiting to blog about this?).

Q : Where are you adopting from?

A : We are in a domestic program, meaning that the child will be from the United States.  As of right now, we have limited our referrals to New York State, but may open it up to other states as time goes on.

Q : Do you know the baby yet?

A : No, we do not know the baby yet.  We haven't received any referrals because...

Q : Where in the process are you?

A : ...we are finishing up our paperwork.  There are two phases to our adoption.  Phase 1 : paperwork/home study.  Phase 2 : waiting period.  We have completed almost all of our paperwork (including fingerprinting, background checks, document gathering, form filling out, doctor's appointments).  Left to do: Col's physical and medical form, medical grid (appointment with our pediatrician this week), home study visits, and our profile book.
[check out our adoption timeline on our home page, next to the "about us" tab]

Q : Boy or girl?

A : We are open to either gender.

Q : What age child are you looking to adopt?

A : We are enrolled in the newborn infant program, meaning we will be bringing our new bundle home at a few days old, most likely from the hospital or agency.

Q : How long will you have to wait?

A : This is the hardest question to answer.  There is no estimated wait time, as birth mothers choose the family they would like to place their child with.  There are many factors that go into receiving a referral, so I'll give a quick overview.  As part of our paperwork, we have filled out grids which list what medical history/exposure, gender, race, and level of openness with the adoption that we are open to.  The agency uses these grids to match us with cases.  Our adoption advocate will call us with a case, give us the details, and ask if we would like to be profiled.  If we say yes, the birth mother will be given our profile book along with others.  We are chosen from our book.  We could be picked by a birth mother who is 6 months along in her pregnancy, or 8 months along, or who just gave birth.  So we could have a few months notice, or we could find out and have to travel to pick up our baby the next day!

Q : What can we do to help?

A : Right now, please pray for us.  We need to finish our profile book as soon as we can, and I'm nervous about the home study visit even though everyone who has been through the process says it's nothing to be nervous about.  Pray for the birth mother and our future child.  And pray that we are able to look into grants for funding ASAP!  Lastly, being supportive and interested is help enough as well!  Thanks!

dog walking

We dog-sat for two little dogs this past weekend, and the best part was taking walks.  If people hadn't noticed us in our neighborhood for walking Mendon, they noticed us now walking the three dogs together!  I had a chance to see what dog walkers go through, getting tangled in leashes, but thankfully I just had to control the two little ones.  Meanwhile, Col had Mendon who was miss docile walker when being led by the two little pups.  It was a fun dynamic for the weekend!

Memorial Day weekend 2013

It was a very busy long weekend!  I cleaned and cleaned up until our open house party on Saturday, where many of our family and friends were able to see our house for the first time.  My parents brought over their old couch for our family room, so the house was complete right on time.  We had a great turnout and it was so fun to have everyone over. 

At our open house, we finally announced to everyone that we are in the process of adopting a baby!  We had our good friend Beka take some pictures for us, framed them, and had them displayed on the island in our kitchen, where all the food was set up.  People would see them, read them (maybe a couple times), and then ask, "Really?!"  We were so, so blessed by everyone's positive, excited responses.  I've heard stories of people who have to convince their families that their decision to adopt is a good, well-thought-out, and exciting opportunity.  We are so thankful for our families and friends who love and support us, even through a process that is unknown territory for most.  Thank you all so much for your amazing responses!  We are truly blessed.

Sunday we enjoyed church, breakfast, a walk with all three pups, and the Memorial Day parade.  One of the perks that I love about our town is that they have community events/parades for holidays.  And I'm a sucker for holiday traditions!  That evening we went to Red Robin for dinner to benefit CURE, and took a second walk with the dogs. 

Today was a day off, yay!  We slept in (after getting up at 6:30 to feed and let out the dogs, they then complied to sleep in until we got up), and worked for a few hours on our adoption profile book.  We took a break in the afternoon to take a walk, and then enjoyed time outside (can't waste a beautiful day inside!).  Nells and Scottie brought dinner over and we ate out on the deck before enjoying another walk, and a "friendly" game of badminton (I added the quotes because some people enjoyed my missed attempts at serving just a little too much ;)).  It was truly an awesome, much-needed, exciting weekend!

our news :)

our house

We did some more yard work this weekend, this time concentrating on the front.  It was so fun buying mulch and picking out hanging baskets of flowers for our very own house!  Two different neighbors already commented.  Other than the over-taking tree that needs trimming, I'm happy with the curb appeal :)

Mother's Day 2013

This year for Mother's Day we were able to enjoy both of our moms!  After church we had brunch at my sister-in-law's and celebrated both her and my mother-in-law.  It was fun to make a quick breakfast, relax, and spend time with our nieces.  Once home, I succumbed to a nap before we headed off to meet my parents in Buffalo for dinner.  After we got there (after crazy rain and wind yanking my car and loose side mirror around), a delicious Olive Garden meal was had by all, and we updated each other on life since we hadn't seen them since before they went to Peru.  It was fun to be with them and celebrate mom.  To all the moms out there in every way and form, Happy Mother's Day!  I know I've been blessed by both an awesome mom and mother-in-law. :)

yard work

We enjoyed another home-owner responsibility today: yard work!  After a trip to Home Depot (it's funny, I always thought it was such a boring store and didn't understand why it was so essential, but since we bought our house, we've been there countless times and I'm always thinking of something else that we need), Col mowed the lawn for the first time with our [gifted used] mower, and I raked, pulled weeds, and tackled the major over-grown mess that was creeping onto our property from over the fence.  I was waiting to see if it would bloom and be pretty, but it's just a bunch of sticks that I can do without!  It was hard work, but at the end of the evening, we were pleased with the results.  The best part was watching Mendon "help."  She saw me pulling everything down and decided to chew/yank at weeds and sticks.  And my favorite: while Col was mowing the backyard, she walked behind him in the newly cut rows!  

 

[halfway there]





happy birthday, hubby!

Yesterday my hubby joined me in the ranks of being 26!  Unfortunately it was a work day, but we celebrated by going to see Iron Man 3 which had just come out with some of our friends from small group.  We indulged on a dinner of movie popcorn and blizzards from Dairy Queen.  Everyone needs a junk food meal every now and then ;)

Today, we were blessed by Col's uncle coming over and doing a few things to our deck to make it sound (I tell ya, the shortcuts they took with some things at this house...).  Afterwards, we enjoyed the afternoon at the Eshleman's along with Katie and Aaron, chatting and cuddling Jeremiah while Buddy and Mendon romped around.  It's been soo nice to be able to sit outside and enjoy this weather.  I love being able to enjoy being outside again!  

This evening we had Col's family over for dinner and dessert, which was the first time we had them all over together at our house.  It was fun to just hang out, catch up, love on my nieces, and joke and laugh together.  I had found a new recipe that I knew would be perfect, so I tried it out.  It's delicious, super rich, but oh so good.  My father-in-law even asked where it had come from, and I'm proud to say that I whipped it up this morning!  Perhaps I at least got my mother's baking/dessert abilities!  Behold, Frozen Peanut Butter Cheesecake:

beyond frugal

Who else but my hubby can score a universal remote (batteries included - right before we were about to go buy one), two Adirondack chairs, an outdoor end table, and seven plastic outdoor chairs from the side of the road for free on our own street?

Growing up in the country, I remember when I first encountered the concept of, "Just put it out on the curb and someone will take it."  I thought it was so strange, but it's legit.  Even though we've only left one thing out before, we've been lucky at our new house to find needed items, which is super helpful being new home owners.  I'll admit, it was hilarious watching Col one night take a few trips back and forth trucking the chairs and table over from across the street, and another time after walking by the remote three times on a walk with Mendon, he ran over once more to grab it (and leave the TV behind), but I'm not complaining.  Thanks new neighbors!