oh my gosh, it's really ours!

Guess what, everyone?!  We're bonafide homeowners now!!  We had a successful final walk-through (oh house, so good to see you again after a few months) and after running a few house/closing-related errands (yay paint for the bedroom!  new locks to install!  certified check from the bank!), we closed on our house.  I can't even describe how happy and excited we are!  Our closing costs were even less than our estimate last week which was awesome.  And, we got to take our first load of stuff over.  We are going to stay overnight in our new home tonight, camping out on our futon mattress on the floor.  How sweet is the end reward after our waiting!  Thank you, Lord!! :)

{pics to come soon...I have them, just haven't gotten to download them to my computer to upload here.}

it's really happening!!

We annoyed/bothered/harassed the bank all morning/early afternoon today due to a miscommunication that we were not happy about, and by calling multiple times and sending a very stern email, then calling our attorney again, we finally got a closing date!  HOORAY!

We are set to have our final walk through Wednesday morning and to close that afternoon!  WE ARE SO EXCITED!!  It's such an awesome feeling, and we are so excited to start moving into OUR HOUSE!

GOD IS GOOD! :D

one year blog-iversary!

Today marks a year since I started this blog.  I am so glad I did and can't wait to share so much more over the coming years.  Even though it's only been the tip of the iceberg, writing about certain parts of our life has helped already.  And so, in celebration:

top 5 most read/popular posts:
-love wins
-WOOT WOOT!
-Sermon: Bitterness
-what are the chances...
-yes!

my 5 favorite posts (excluding any of the above):
-my life verse
-pieces to the puzzle
-THE REAL DEAL!
-he did it!!
-The day of extreme emotions...

lately I'm...

...trying so hard to wait.and.trust.

I think know I stink at it.  And so I continue to pray.

Also getting me through:

~game nights w/ friends

~Skyping with Deanna for the first time since she moved to Nashville
~date night out to dinner (yay giftcards) and the movies in our 'hood

~empty, relaxing nights and weekends with hubby

Hoping soon to have a more exciting update.  Yes, we are still at our apartment   No, we do not have a closing date.  For now, we're still on the roller coaster ride.  And I'm seeing more and more how waiting on others is a very big weakness of mine.  Enter in, my lesson for this whole process.

Sunday morning wind and ice-capades

This morning as we pulled into church, one of the parking lot attendants/security guys stopped us and warned us that the entire parking lot was black ice.  We thanked him and slowly found a parking spot, where we then braced ourselves for the frigid cold and wind and climbed out of the car.  We carefully did the small "step-step-steps" of ice walking, until a huge gust of wind snatched our offering envelope out of Col's Bible and whipped it up in the air and away.

I exclaimed how, "We can't even run after it!," because of the ice, so we headed in the direction that it had blown as quickly as one possibly can on sheets of black ice, which really isn't that quick at all.  I couldn't help but burst out laughing as I pictured the two of us, trying to stand upright on the ice and chase down our offering.  Not only that, but the envelope was white and the wind so strong and constant, that we lost sight of it. 

During this time, I also noticed a gentleman in his car who looked ready to park but then pulled towards us as if to help but was probably thinking, "What the heck are these two doing?!" because I'm not sure he saw the whole thing happen.  He ultimately decided to just stay where he was and park.  Col asked where it went, and thankfully we spotted it stuck in the snowbank.  He grabbed it before it could fly away again, and we made our way carefully back toward church and inside, laughing the whole time.

Sometimes, something like this would stress me out (hey, money blowing away is never good).  I'm so thankful that today I didn't even think about that and instead saw how hilarious we looked.  There's nothing like a good laugh to start off the day! 

oh happy day!

After last week's waiting and let down, I was sure that we wouldn't hear if our grant was approved the second time around until the end of the day Friday. The bank contacted them and was promised an answer this week, so I decided to just assume it would be late afternoon on Friday so that I didn't have a set deadline in my head. Having one last week caused a resurfacing of anxiety and a mini panic attack when it wasn't met. However, having put into practice not to worry as it would do nothing about the situation, I gave it all to God and decided to just wait and see, but not let it consume my thoughts.

I was in an adjoining room at work when I thought I heard my phone vibrating. I went back to check it just missing a call from Col. He never calls me at work unless something important is happening, so at the same time I refreshed my email and saw one from the bank. I was nervous because the subject line said, "First Home Club Grant......." and the "......." had me thinking it wasn't good news. I simultaneously reached Col and opened the email and read:

……………..HAS BEEN APPROVED!!!!

We just received the email that has approved you for the grant!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Col and I celebrated on the phone for a few minutes, after which I danced around work and told everyone that it had been approved. I didn't realize how upset I would have been if it hadn't gone through this time until I saw how excited and happy and relieved I was when we found out it was approved.  I am so thankful that our year-long program participation has paid off!

And so, we've been floating on the home-buyer's-grant-second-time-around-approval cloud today.  HOORAY!!

a new favorite song i'm lovin'

Kings and Queens

By: Audio Adrenaline

Little hands, shoeless feet, lonely eyes looking back at me

Will we leave behind the innocent too brief

On their own, on the run when their lives have only begun

These could be our daughters and our sons

And just like a drum I can hear their hearts beating

I know my God won’t let them be defeated

Every child has a dream to belong and be loved

Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in Your majesty 

When we love, when we love the least of these

Then they will be brave and free

Shout Your name in victory

When we love when we love the least of these

When we love the least of these

Break our hearts once again

Help us to remember when

We were only children hoping for a friend

Won’t you look around these are the lives that the world has forgotten

Waiting for doors of our hearts and our homes to open

If not us who will be like Jesus

To the least of these

If not us tell me who will be like Jesus

Like Jesus to the least of these

Boys become kings, girls will be queens

Wrapped in Your majesty

When we love, when we love the least of these

Then they will be brave and free shout Your name in victory

We will love we will love the least of these

We will love the least of these

We will love the least of these

"get me out of here!"

If you've ever had your house packed up, or have ever had no use of a room or two for a while, you know that after a couple days, or maybe hours, sitting in the house drives you crazy.  After a particularly lazy string of evenings this week, I was ready to get up and out and do something because all the boxes are driving me nuts.  I was feeling a little like the voice that yells, "Get me out of here!" from a box that my husband received as a toy when he was a kid stuck in the hospital.  So I came home Friday from work and told Col that we were going out on a date.  Off to Olive Garden we went with gift cards in hand where we had a delicious dinner and didn't talk about the house, grant, or stress of waiting for the approval.  It was wonderful!  That evening we also decided last minute to have a game night with friends which was fun and a bonus out-of-the-house time.

Because Saturday was supposed to be super warm for January (50's!), we both had the uncanny idea to go to Mendon Ponds Park Birdsong Trail (where we got engaged!).  And so off we went (after a delicious gift-card-paid-for stop [gotta love those gift cards from Christmas!] at Panera for breakfast) to meet my in-laws who also had the same idea for the day (weird, right?).  We hiked the trails for a long time, got some great exercise and fresh air, fed some birds out of our hands, and showed them our engagement spot.  That afternoon we took a nap, awesomeness, and met up with Col's rents again for dinner and ice cream while they watched our niece.  We ended the evening with a Redbox movie.

on the bridge we got engaged on, overlooking the brook

Today we enjoyed church, football with friends, and an evening getting things done around the apt.  It was the perfect mix of out and about and productiveness.  While I cherish an empty, no plans, stay-at-home weekend more than most, this time I was happy to fill it up spending time with people outside the apartment.  Learning to love the in-between!

reboot your circumstances

What I want to strive for every day through all circumstances, but especially have been for our most difficult ones.  Such an awesome sermon to hear, especially this week.  If you struggle with responding to your circumstances, please listen here.

4 responses to reboot your circumstances:

-Determined joy
-Unmistakable gentleness
-Prayerful dependence
-Continued discretion

pieces to the puzzle

Friday we heard some unsettling news about the last step of our home buying process.  The grant from the federal program that we went through as first time home buyers was denied.  Unable to do this on our own right now, this grant is the whole reason for going through the program, as they match $4 to every $1 we saved this past year up to a certain amount.  The full grant is quite substantial and makes closing possible.  Fortunately, the bank disagrees with their reasons for the denial, and therefore broke down the information and sent the appeal back with documentation.  They said not to worry, and that they hope to hear back from them by Wednesday, but that we can't do anything about pushing it because it's a government program.

You can only imagine everything that went through our minds.  Not only that, but Col received a call from the tenant that our landlord just found this past week to rent our apartment, wondering when we would be leaving since our landlord mentioned it might be mid-January.  After a couple months of possible tenants falling through, one was just finalized this week.

So not only were we seeing visions of not getting our house at the last possible second because of this grant, but also of having to move in with Colin's parents and search for a new apartment instead of getting to stay where we already are.  And with the possible outcome of this situation, it's easy to think of all the other plans we have for ourselves having to be postponed indefinitely.

This home buying process has been more difficult than I thought it would be.  We've already made it through many stresses the past couple of months with various issues, and have waited longer than many for a closing date, but we never anticipated this one, being as we were approved for the program back in December 2011.

The past couple of days have been a little emotional for me in other ways too.  There are times when the weight of our infertility decides to rest on me for a while.  Don't get me wrong, it's so much easier for me than it was a couple years ago, but it's something that has a way of creeping back and reminding you of the negative instead of the positive.  I can be as excited and hopeful as can be about the future, but then that twinge returns.  That pestering voice that asks the age old question, "Why?"  And when another situation in life proves more difficult for us, sometimes I follow that voice, open the door, and take the stairs where I end up in the basement of, "As if we don't have enough to deal with already," and, "Why does everything have to come so hard for us?"

And so, I'm brought back to my life verse and the promises that God has for me, for us.  While thinking more about it today, in the middle of a crazy, stressful, long, and tiring day at work, I couldn't help but remember that this is just one more piece in the unfinished puzzle.  That right now, we only see parts of the finished product in each situation and our lives.  They might not be the prettiest or nicest pieces, but God knows the outcome.  And that outcome will be so beautiful that it won't matter what each piece is like on its own, all we'll be able to see will be the whole.

We have to not think too far ahead of ourselves and instead just learn to trust.  To trust that whatever happens, we will be ok.  It's scary, and it seems impossible, but we have to remember that these struggles are not the end and everything is in more capable hands than ours.  I have made the choice to not think about all the terrible circumstances that might happen, but instead to pray, wait to see what really does happen, and take it day by day from there.

Check out "Even If" by Kutless

Happy New Year 2013

Last year I wrote down a month-by-month list of things that I hoped to accomplish.  I'm not sure where it is at the moment as I stopped carrying it around in my planner a few months ago, but I do remember a lot of what I wrote down.  They were all huge life goals, with a few it's-happening-no-matter-what events sprinkled in (just so I could check something off and feel good about the passing of time).  I had them split into categories: personal, professional, spiritual, and there was possibly a fourth.  Some were completed, others almost are (buying a house!), and still many others were pushed into the future.  While I really can't not have goals, because I'm unable to not try to plan out every detail of my life, I'm not sure if I will hold myself so strictly to the month in which I wanted to complete them because let's be honest, God's the one who really holds the plans, and they could be none of the above, or at the very least are probably variations to what I come up with.  While I am super excited to what this year may bring (oh yes, we already have some goals/plans a brewin'), I'm also glad that my worth is not measured in how many check marks I can make on my list.  Honestly, all the little improvements, new experiences, and general enjoying of life while growing closer to God, my hubby, family, and friends are what really count.

This year we spent our first day of the year sleeping in (a rarity), recycling our still beautiful, green tree, purging our closet and dressers of clothes, and enjoying a lazy day off.

What do you hope this new year will bring?

Any plans/goals?

How did you spend the first day?

technological talent

check out this awesome start to our Christmas Eve service at church!

tomato soup & punch cups

Waiting is hard.  Especially when you have only half the ingredients you need to make dinner and you haven't gone grocery shopping in weeks and the whole kitchen is packed up and you finally dredge out a can of tomato soup only to realize after it's warmed up that you have no bowls to put it in and have to make due with tiny plastic punch cups.

It's hard when you have every piece of information into the bank and they have approved everything and the papers are signed and you are waiting on one last thing that neither you nor the bank has any control over.

Right now we are anxiously awaiting the approval and dispersal of the grant from our first time home buyer program.  Once the bank receives that from the federal organization they can give us a closing date.  Until then, we wait, pray, and hope that it does not come much later than our original date or mess up our contact as that expires next week.

House, we can't wait to fill and live in you.  Apartment, we love you and will miss you, but living in you like this is no fun at all!