2013 reflections

As I sit here, thinking back on this year, what a ride it has been.  Exciting, nerve-wracking, full of changes, heartbreaking, and wonderful.  A few highlights:

January

: bought and moved into our first house

February

: adopted our cherished dog, Mendon

March
: our second niece Aubrey was born

: started our adoption process

April

: celebrated 2 years of marriage with a weekend trip planned by Col to Saratoga Springs

: our roommates/good friends from college's baby Jeremiah was born

May

: Col's 26th birthday

: open house and adoption announcement

June
: paperwork and classes done, ready for home study visits with social worker

: first home study visit

July

: second home study visit
: became a waiting family for our adoption

: offered promotion at work

: Lake Placid Leathersich family vacation

August
: paid off all student loans

: our good friends Katie and Aaron got married 

: annual college friends weekend at Katie's camp

: bridesmaid dress shopping for Rach's wedding

: mom and dad moved back to Batavia

September

: met a bunch of awesome new people at our new community group for church

October

: community group and work baby showers

November
: family baby shower

: began promotion offered in July

: spent time with Deanna home from Nashville

December

: my 27th birthday

: birthday surprise day trip to Skaneateles planned by Col

: Christmas with Zack home

Overall it's been a great year, even though it contained some of the toughest months of our lives.  I am so thankful for all that we experienced in 2013 and the many big moments we were able to enjoy.  Tonight, we will celebrate quietly at home in good company (and of course with good food!).  Here's to 2014, a year full of hope as we continue our adoption journey and whatever else life brings our way!

cherished gifts

We had a very good Christmas this year.  The week of Christmas was full of family, friends, food, time off, and relaxation.  My current sadness dissipated as we enjoyed time with my brother who we see once a year at Christmas, extended and immediate relatives, each other, and at church.  I had time to reflect on Jesus' birth and the joy of the season.  I thoroughly enjoyed every celebration we had and our quiet Christmas morning together.  

We received a completely unexpected gift from my in-laws that we are so excited about: a propane patio heater for our deck!  I am SO excited to have get-togethers outside again and enjoy warmth in the cool spring and fall evenings.

A special gift we received from my parents was my childhood rocking chair, re-upholstered and re-finished by my mom.  She said she was so glad she had time to finish it because it was the best gift, and I agree!  I can't wait for Little L to use it someday :)

My brother has always been the most thoughtful gifter I know.  He outdid himself this year, giving us the sweetest gifts for Little L, because he wasn't around for our showers.  My most cherished one is this growth chart that he made himself.  I'm so impressed and blown away!  It includes pins to affix the tags on the length of burlap.  Another thing I can't wait to use for all the future Little L's!

No matter the journey, we are blessed.  I am so thankful for our families and friends the Lord has given us, and for sending His Son, so that we can celebrate the Christmas season.  I hope your Christmas was just as special!

winter walk

Merry Christmas!

Matthew 1:21 "She will give birth to a son, 

and you are to give him the name Jesus, 

because he will save his people from their sins." 

bro's home!

Today we surprised Zack at the airport (he thought my rents were picking him up, but didn't know that Col and I would be there).  Col was his limo driver, and I, his personal assistant.  We had dinner at P.F. Changs all together and it was so much fun!  We can't wait for him to come stay with us tomorrow, see our house for the first time, and meet Mendon.  So good to have him home for Christmas, especially since we haven't seen him since last Christmas!

adoption update attempt

Hi everyone.  Miss me?  It's been a while, hasn't it.  For a month I've thought about how I should blog an update for everyone on our adoption.  This draft has sat here for countless weeks.  Because it's hard to write an update when there isn't one.  We are just...waiting.

Even before we started our own adoption journey, when it was just a far-away, extremely overwhelming thought in my mind, I read many other blogs about adoption and felt encouraged.  In addition to keeping family and friends up on our journey, I have wanted to be an encourager to others through their infertility and/or adoption journeys, even if just to say, "Someone else knows how you feel," or, "We've done it, you can too!"  But in order to do so, I know that I owe it to myself to be candid and honest.

And so, honestly, I've been in a funk lately.  I've been passing through the stages of grief from our failed placement differently than other grieving events in my life.  This one seems to be lingering, very much present in the day to day.  For the first month after our failed placement, we let ourselves go just a little and ate like crap.  Takeout, sweets, and junk food were staples.  And we didn't care (who doesn't want an excuse to do that every once in a while?).  We gave ourselves that month, which ended up stretching into a month and a half, to ease up on one area of our lives.

My birthday was especially hard this year.  I am usually excited about birthdays, even just a little as I get older, but this year didn't feel right.  Because I am a planner at heart, I of course have a timeline in my head about what stage of life I want to be at or have accomplished by a certain age.  I've always wanted to be young when having children, much like my parents were.  For many reasons, it is my ideal.  And as much as I know that I need to let go of my plans and timeline and give them to God, it's still hard.  And so, as I turned 27 and have no children or the promise of any soon, I had to grieve that.  I am so thankful for being able to have dinner with Col and my parents that evening, but the whole day just seemed like any other day (or maybe I was trying to hope it into that).

While I appreciate everyone's well wishes of "you're so young," it doesn't change the fact that this is a dream of mine that I must let go of, timeline-wise.  I know we are young to many, but no one would say that to someone who is pregnant at 25 because that is when they want to be.  You see, we've had to give up on some dreams and grieve doors that were closed to us.  Being re-directed is not always easy.  Even as I write this though, I am reminded of the fact that as much as we plan, life will happen according to God's will and timing.  I felt the same way about getting married; it was later than I had always planned on.  But we got married, it was the best day of my life, and I have felt no recourse whatsoever from it being a couple years later than my timeline.  And, when I always planned on having children by the age of 30, I always had pregnancies in mind.  Now, I know with all my heart that adoption is the plan God has for us to grow our family, even on the days when I wish it wasn't.

So I've been a little down lately.
Do I know that in the end, this will all be worth it?  Yes.
Do I believe that we are on the right path?  Yes.
Do I believe that it will happen?  Yes.
Do I trust God with this piece of our lives?  Yes (it's ok that it's a work-in-progress faith building exercise - for life!)

But is it hard some days, and I just need to cry?  Yes.
Do I wish it would just hurry up and happen already?  Yes.
Am I still unbelievably in love with our full, finished nursery and can't wait for a little babe to use it?  Yes.

That's where we are at.  Loving each other as always, living life, and enjoying the little things (and the Christmas season!).  There are others who have gone before, and there are others who will come after.  I'm thankful to know others on the journey who understand these crazy emotions!

And you know what?  I'm thankful that I have a pup to be the recipient of all my bursting motherly love right now.  I don't think she minds it one bit ;)

Q Party

work Christmas party with the hubs :)

(and then we came home via sloppy roads and a snow-filled driveway that had to be cleared.  what is it with dressy into-the-late-night work events and massive amounts of snow?)

Dickens Christmas

Col took me on a surprise birthday day trip to Skaneateles for their annual Dickens Christmas!  It was cold, but we had fun wandering around, enjoying the Dickens' characters walking and caroling in the streets, browsing in shops, and eating.  Thanks for a fun birthday adventure, Col!

on the horse drawn wagon

it's Christmas tree time!

It seems like a new tradition is starting, because we went in the rain again this year.  Back to where we went last year to get another great "clearance" tree.  The selection was even better this year!

And hubby was a good sport again and cut it down for me!