16th puzzle update!

6 more!  You know you want your name on the puzzle for Little L to see, right?! ;)

 

Special thanks to:

Avery & Connor

Reminiscing - 7 years

This past weekend, Col and I were able to go back to our alma mater, Roberts Wesleyan College, for a Live Love concert with The City Harmonic, Remedy Drive, and Rush of Fools (thanks to my dad for giving us his tickets).  There have been a lot of changes on campus since we graduated five years ago (eek!), and it was nice to be back.  It's Homecoming week and since we won't be attending our five year reunion this weekend, I wanted to take a quick walk around campus.  We checked out the new clock tower, renovations on a couple buildings, and the recent reno of the dining hall (thanks to the suggestion from a familiar staff member who we got to see!).  We were able to walk inside the dining hall, which has turned into a space that is open for more hours than before as a hang out and is more available for food.  It looks amazing!  So very different, but definitely a needed update.

The whole time I was reminded again of how awesome my college years were.  I loved RWC and always have fond memories of my time there.  We are still close with our group of friends, and some days I wish we could all be back there again, hanging out in our dorm, enjoying living life together.  I am a very strong advocate for living on campus in college and the experience that it gives.  Never in your life again do you have that chance to be independent yet not tied down to all of life's responsibilities (loan payments come after graduation ;)). 

But anyway, while briefly looking at one of the signs with the week's activities on it, I couldn't help but reminisce about a certain Homecoming week seven years ago.  It was the beginning of our junior year and Col and I had been friends for two years.  We had seen each other a few times over the summer, including a blast of a road trip that our group of friends took to visit our friend out-of-state, and had also been talking a lot.  When my parents moved that summer, he was the one I talked to on our first night in the new town.  Once we got back to school, we began spending a lot of evenings together walking around campus and getting to know each other even more.  We both had liked each other for a while, but I was hesitant due to an emotional experience with the end of my first and only other relationship a couple years prior.  Col jokes that I was so slow with my "I'm not ready yet...," but he stuck it out.  During Homecoming week I remember our group of friends was sitting in our triple doing homework when Col stole my planner and wrote on it (which my OCD-self hated, and he knew it).  He circled the date of Tuesday, September 25th when the bonfire was the evening activity and wrote, "I think you should go to this."  I wasn't sure if I was going to go, but at his prompting I did.  Afterwards, Col and I took a walk down to the pond, sat in the grass and watched a storm roll in.  On our way back to the dorms, I remember the feeling of knowing that he wanted to "make it official" but he wasn't saying anything.  I said, "Aren't you going to ask me?" or something along those lines, and after a, "Are you going to say yes?," he did.

I've been thinking about this since Friday, and I wanted to find time to write this blog post for today, because it is the 25th.  We don't celebrate our dating anniversary, but here's to seven years since that Homecoming week when we finally made it official.  Our friends and families knew it was coming, and I'm so glad it did.  We've never looked back (nor have we had to), and I am so thankful for God's orchestration in getting us both to RWC.  Col almost ended up at St. John Fisher, and I was set on Grove City, but through different circumstances we found ourselves there, and I am forever convinced that I wouldn't have wanted to go anywhere else.

to ask or not to ask [adoption waiting]

Many of our family members and friends have commented in conversation about if or how they should ask us about our adoption process.  We greatly appreciate that people are being sensitive as this has been and continues to be a difficult time for us as we wait and experience the many emotional highs and lows.  We always want to be open and honest about all the aspects of our process, and so I thought I would try to share my feelings a little more here.

We are at all times willing to talk about our adoption process.  I love sharing our story, even if sometimes on the hard days I forget that.  One thing that makes this hard for both us and those who are asking is that oftentimes our answers aren't very informative, or rather, we have no answers at all.  This is because we simply have no new news to share.  And because of how quickly news can change (as we are well-aware), we are practicing some self-preservation by not notifying others of profiling calls until after we have heard back that we have not been chosen.  It's easier to do this because we have so many people in our lives to share the news with, but it's too hard to get others excited and then have to re-contact everyone to share our disappointment.  We know that most everyone is willing to ride these ups and downs with us and support us through them, but we are trying to manage our own expectations when we get these calls, therefore it's easier to just fill everyone in afterwards.  If you are ever wondering what has been happening lately, you can always check our adoption timeline.

There are also some well-meaning comments that we receive often which actually do bother me.  I've found that with most I'm not easily offended and will happily inform, educate, or answer.  Very few have upset me but with those that do, I'm learning to practice grace.  Some days I fail at that.  It's true that right now we are feeling kind of "over it" in terms of our journey as a whole.  If you want to ask about the process, by all means please do.  Just be prepared that I am gong to be honest about how we are feeling at that time.  No, I will most likely not become a huge ball of tears, anxiety, and emotion (although this has happened...), but please know that we are not going to sugar-coat the difficult aspects of the process.

Here are some of the frustrating comments we hear most often:

• "It's ok, you have lots of time" or "You're so young!" : Anything along the lines about how young we are really rubs me the wrong way.  While I am more sensitive to the topic because I am often mistaken to be anywhere from 9-14 years younger than I actually am, I ask that you hear me out on this.  Yes, I understand that we are a couple of 27 year olds (and in my case a trying-not-to-think-about-it-almost-28-year-old) and that in our culture today it is more common for people to wait longer to have kids, etc.  But in our case, we always wanted to be young parents.  My parents had their children all before my mom was 30, and we also have many other family members and friends who have or are having their children in their mid-20's.  We always wanted to start the process of growing our family after being married for 2 years, and that is what we did.  To me, yes I am young in general, but I do not feel young in respect to how I pictured our family at our age now.  While this is something that I am continually working on by letting my plans go and allowing God's to be, I still encourage those who have said or thought this to put themselves in our shoes.  Think back to when you started to work toward growing your family and when you felt that was best for yourself.  You may have been younger or older than us, but the jist is that it was what you felt was best for you and this is what we feel is best for us.  So while we may be young to some, it is what we wanted, and it's hard to watch the time stretch by.  Again, think back to when you were trying to get pregnant and maybe it took longer than you expected.  Those days, weeks, and months of waiting is exactly how we are feeling too.  Solidifying the difficulty is the fact that we can't "just get pregnant" and try adoption later.  This is the way that we can grow our family, and the way that we have fully embraced.

• "Are you sure your agency is doing everything they can for you?" or "The system is messed up!" : Ok, this could go in a million directions and probably be its own post, but I will keep it simple: we have the utmost confidence that our agency is doing everything they can.  They are well-established, have an amazing track record, and offer more services and education for both birth families and adoptive families than many other agencies (which is very important to us).  No agency is perfect, but so much of the process is out of both our hands and their hands.  We are being profiled a lot more than many other families (because of how open our grids are), and since we have done everything we can in our control, the agency is able to do what they can for us by profiling us with cases that they know we are open to.  After that, no one except the prospective birthmom and God can control what happens from there.  They can not, nor should they, influence the choice that the prospective birthmother makes because she is the one who needs to feel confident in the family she is considering for her child.  Not to mention, I get the feeling that our agency is also wondering why our journey is taking longer than the average, but this again comes back to the fact that none of us can know or understand because it's ultimately up to God.

• And for those who may wonder about our limitations or are just curious, here's a refresher : We are open to either gender, any and all races and ethnicities, and any state within the U.S.  The health history/exposures grid is a lot more complicated, but we are open to considering a lot.  We have asked for advice from our agency, and we are going to update a few details in our profile book (such as Colin's job change), even though they feel that our profile is a great representation of us and our life.  There are no easy answers or fixes and along with us, our agency feels like we have done well with what we can, and that unfortunately it is what it is.

The good news is that we have been profiled a lot.  While it's emotional and difficult because this stacks up to more no's, it's also encouraging knowing that we have had more chances.  The fact that we have been getting calls and had recent opportunities is better than waiting for months with nothing.  And I think it's God's reminder that no matter what happens or how many opportunities we receive, He is the only one to know what baby (and hopefully, babies) we will have the privilege of raising.  Since He already knows, we have to rest assured in that, even when it takes every ounce of our strength.  

#9 September date

September's date was playing disc golf!  We checked it out once a few years ago because a local park has a course, and even though we didn't know what we were doing, we had fun.  Since we hadn't returned, I thought it would be fun to try it out again, especially since we had recently acquired some free golf discs (which worked much better than a regular Frisbee ;))!  The weather warmed up, so the day we picked was perfect!  We both played much better, and Col even got used to a new type of disc golf throw.

 

15th puzzle update!

Only 8 pieces left!!  SO close!

Special thanks to:

Donnie & Marcie

Gilmore Girls reading challenge - book 7

September 2014: Babe

14th puzzle update!

Only 11 pieces left!!

 

Special thanks to:

Linda & Brian

adoption updates and reflections

We have been in the adoption process for an official year and a half now.  It feels much longer because we started meeting with families and researching a year before even applying to an agency.  Maybe it's because of my attempt to always control everything, but I wanted to look back and recap what our experience has been so far in numbers.  I know the numbers don't mean anything, because it all comes down to that one "yes" that actually becomes a permanent placement, but I thought it would be helpful regardless.

During our journey thus far we have had:

• 14 - profiling opportunities (that we knew about - we could have been profiled more times "blindly," which we don't always hear about)
• 2 - matches (September '13 and February '14)
• 2 - babies born (baby girl 10/17/13 and baby boy 2/14?/14)
• 2 - matches fail (10/18/13 and 2/17/14)
• 4 - opportunities that we declined having our profiles shown for (which were heart wrenching to do, especially when it came down to finances)
• 2 - we never heard back about
• 6 - no's (prospective birthparents chose other families)

Unfortunately, it feels like we've been given a lot of no's lately.  And it's hard to wonder why we aren't being picked even though only God and the birthmom's know why.  Deep down I know these babies are not our own (although I wish they were!), and so I'm continuing to learn patience and trust in God's timing.

I woke up this morning tired, but feeling hope in a new day.  I'm always trying to balance my emotions and not become too numb but also not allow my excitement to get away from me.  We've found a pretty neutral space where we continue to focus on enjoying our lives and pray every day for the prospective birthmoms and babies who we are called about.  And I do dream and envision, but I also try more to just focus on what God is teaching me here and now no matter what answer we hear.  We soldier on, knowing that God does have a plan, no matter how much the negative voices tell us the opposite.

And you know what else we've had despite the trials?

• Countless - opportunities to trust God, share our story with others, and give Him the glory!

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ~Lamentations 3:22-23

Liz and Ryan's Wedding

9.6.14

My cousin Liz and her new husband Ryan.  

It was a beautiful wedding with a ton of perfect DIY details.  Congrats again!

dad was in a funny mood ;)

grandpa with my mom, aunt, and uncle

dad trying to find everyone's name cards

he got hungry while waiting for dinner...

...and decided to make his s'more favor right then and there!

first dance :)

Gilmore Girls reading challenge - book 6

September 2014: Freaky Friday

 



drive-in!

Every summer we head out to the drive-in to enjoy multiple movies at a cheap price.  This year, we went on labor Day weekend, so it was a triple feature!  Since we were going to be gone so long, we decided to bring Mendon along.  She did great!  She curled right up on top of our sleeping bags and slept through all three movies, snoring her way through the third.  This dog, I swear.  She has had more experiences than any of our dogs growing up, and I think she may start to think she's more human than dog!  Since all of our baby love has been transferred to her for the time being, she's soaking it up!