meeting birthmom

Today we met birthmom.  I don't think I'll ever forget today, and I pray I don't so that I can tell the story over and over to Little L.  Although I will keep some details to myself to cherish, I'd love to write some about it for everyone.

We met in Syracuse, and so we left early enough to make sure that we would get there on time.  Our ride there we didn't talk a lot, but would have bursts of conversation and then sit silent for a while, lost in our thoughts and nervousness.  We arrived almost a half an hour early, and walked hand-in-hand into the cafe area while looking around.  Everyone we were meeting knew what we looked like because they had seen our profile, but we had no idea who we were looking for.  We sat down and determined that we were there first, and so we watched the front door anxiously.  Around 11a, our meeting time, the birthparent social worker walked in and introduced herself.  We chatted with her a bit until she received a call from birthmom's health worker saying that they had to go to a last minute doctor's appointment and wouldn't be there until noon.  Our nerves actually settled during that time, and I felt more prepared when they came. 

How do you describe what it's like meeting the brave, amazing woman who is carrying the child that she chooses to place with you?  There really aren't words.  She was beautiful inside and out and so sweet.  Col put it well when he said that it was like being starstruck; you are so happy to be there with that person but you can't think of what to say.  I did use some of my Spanish and found I could understand her, but I was also glad that the health worker was there to translate as well.  The three of us were nervous and quiet, but it wasn't an uncomfortable conversation.  Meeting birthmom, we were instructed to focus on getting to know her and not on the baby, and I found that it was not at all hard for me to do so.  I am so, so grateful that she wanted to meet with us.  While we only spent an hour together, I know that the time was precious to all of us.  I think that if everyone [not just adoptive parents, but families and friends] were able to meet birthparents, they would better understand how it's harder to not want to continue an open relationship with them than to have one.

After our meeting, Col and I grabbed lunch before driving back home.  I felt that after leaving, I craved for more time together and wished that we were more outgoing when meeting new people.  However, we were reassured by the social worker that the meeting had gone well.  As we neared home, I realized just how tired I was.  I had not planned for it, but the numerous emotions of the day were overwhelming and exhausting.  Such nervousness, joy, happiness, awestruck-ness, respect, love, sadness, and empathy. 

There was so much mutual respect and love; Little L is blessed.  We have a huge responsibility, and I intend to do my best to give him or her a good education and respect for us as parents, per birthmom's request.  How can we do anything less for the woman who told us that she liked "todo" [everything] about our profile?