bro's home!

Today we surprised Zack at the airport (he thought my rents were picking him up, but didn't know that Col and I would be there).  Col was his limo driver, and I, his personal assistant.  We had dinner at P.F. Changs all together and it was so much fun!  We can't wait for him to come stay with us tomorrow, see our house for the first time, and meet Mendon.  So good to have him home for Christmas, especially since we haven't seen him since last Christmas!

adoption update attempt

Hi everyone.  Miss me?  It's been a while, hasn't it.  For a month I've thought about how I should blog an update for everyone on our adoption.  This draft has sat here for countless weeks.  Because it's hard to write an update when there isn't one.  We are just...waiting.

Even before we started our own adoption journey, when it was just a far-away, extremely overwhelming thought in my mind, I read many other blogs about adoption and felt encouraged.  In addition to keeping family and friends up on our journey, I have wanted to be an encourager to others through their infertility and/or adoption journeys, even if just to say, "Someone else knows how you feel," or, "We've done it, you can too!"  But in order to do so, I know that I owe it to myself to be candid and honest.

And so, honestly, I've been in a funk lately.  I've been passing through the stages of grief from our failed placement differently than other grieving events in my life.  This one seems to be lingering, very much present in the day to day.  For the first month after our failed placement, we let ourselves go just a little and ate like crap.  Takeout, sweets, and junk food were staples.  And we didn't care (who doesn't want an excuse to do that every once in a while?).  We gave ourselves that month, which ended up stretching into a month and a half, to ease up on one area of our lives.

My birthday was especially hard this year.  I am usually excited about birthdays, even just a little as I get older, but this year didn't feel right.  Because I am a planner at heart, I of course have a timeline in my head about what stage of life I want to be at or have accomplished by a certain age.  I've always wanted to be young when having children, much like my parents were.  For many reasons, it is my ideal.  And as much as I know that I need to let go of my plans and timeline and give them to God, it's still hard.  And so, as I turned 27 and have no children or the promise of any soon, I had to grieve that.  I am so thankful for being able to have dinner with Col and my parents that evening, but the whole day just seemed like any other day (or maybe I was trying to hope it into that).

While I appreciate everyone's well wishes of "you're so young," it doesn't change the fact that this is a dream of mine that I must let go of, timeline-wise.  I know we are young to many, but no one would say that to someone who is pregnant at 25 because that is when they want to be.  You see, we've had to give up on some dreams and grieve doors that were closed to us.  Being re-directed is not always easy.  Even as I write this though, I am reminded of the fact that as much as we plan, life will happen according to God's will and timing.  I felt the same way about getting married; it was later than I had always planned on.  But we got married, it was the best day of my life, and I have felt no recourse whatsoever from it being a couple years later than my timeline.  And, when I always planned on having children by the age of 30, I always had pregnancies in mind.  Now, I know with all my heart that adoption is the plan God has for us to grow our family, even on the days when I wish it wasn't.

So I've been a little down lately.
Do I know that in the end, this will all be worth it?  Yes.
Do I believe that we are on the right path?  Yes.
Do I believe that it will happen?  Yes.
Do I trust God with this piece of our lives?  Yes (it's ok that it's a work-in-progress faith building exercise - for life!)

But is it hard some days, and I just need to cry?  Yes.
Do I wish it would just hurry up and happen already?  Yes.
Am I still unbelievably in love with our full, finished nursery and can't wait for a little babe to use it?  Yes.

That's where we are at.  Loving each other as always, living life, and enjoying the little things (and the Christmas season!).  There are others who have gone before, and there are others who will come after.  I'm thankful to know others on the journey who understand these crazy emotions!

And you know what?  I'm thankful that I have a pup to be the recipient of all my bursting motherly love right now.  I don't think she minds it one bit ;)

Q Party

work Christmas party with the hubs :)

(and then we came home via sloppy roads and a snow-filled driveway that had to be cleared.  what is it with dressy into-the-late-night work events and massive amounts of snow?)

Dickens Christmas

Col took me on a surprise birthday day trip to Skaneateles for their annual Dickens Christmas!  It was cold, but we had fun wandering around, enjoying the Dickens' characters walking and caroling in the streets, browsing in shops, and eating.  Thanks for a fun birthday adventure, Col!

on the horse drawn wagon

it's Christmas tree time!

It seems like a new tradition is starting, because we went in the rain again this year.  Back to where we went last year to get another great "clearance" tree.  The selection was even better this year!

And hubby was a good sport again and cut it down for me!

Thanksgiving 2013

Happy Thanksgiving!  This year we spent the day at my parents' house with my mom's side of the family.  Mendon did a great job staying in the living room while we ate (new training we are teaching her), and we had a great time catching up and eating lots.  We got to facetime with Zack which was also fun and amusing as always!  He and Kristyn were making their own Thanksgiving feast.  The big difference?  It was barely 30 here while their temperatures were in the 70's.  They were thinking of going to the beach!  That evening we went to my grandma's and relaxed with my dad's side of the family.

Friday I slept almost 12 hours (a huge rarity for me), and we went out in search of a new dishwasher (ours has been dead for many months).  We only had to visit a few places and found a great deal on a better model than we would normally get.  It included delivery, installation, take-away of old dishwasher, and no tax!  I was so excited when we left the store.  Guess I'm a real grown-up now since I am excited about a new dishwasher!  We spent the evening with Col's family and had our own Thanksgiving celebration, eating more good food and enjoying each others' company.

Even though Thanksgiving was much different than we anticipated it being and we weren't enjoying a newborn, we still had a great time.  This year, I am thankful for the love and unending support of our families and friends.  I am thankful for my husband, who keeps me strong and enjoying life.  I am thankful for the beautiful house we bought and our cute, lovable dog we adopted, both this year.  As always, we are blessed.

baby showers : part 2

Family Shower 11.3.13

baby showers : part 1

Community Group Shower 10.5.13

Work Shower 10.15.13 

(I missed the boat on taking a decent amount of pictures)