[learning to] move forward

A couple weeks ago we took some time to update our nursery picture in our adoption profile and mailed our profiles back out to the agency.  Especially now, after being so close, we know we are ready to have a baby and want to keep moving forward.  I still think about that sweet little girl that we were so close to meeting, but I know that she is safe with her mom.  Will I ever forget her?  No.  But I do know that she is ok; we are ok.  And I know that God knows why, for whatever reason, she wasn't meant to be our daughter.  If nothing else, we have learned that our hearts have the capacity to continue to love and hope.

When we sent everything back in, I realized I'm kind of bummed to be back in the profiling process.  Even though we only did it for a couple of months, I didn't realize how draining it was.  It was so relieving to be matched and into the next step, where we didn't have to be glued to our phones waiting for calls.  Only after, now that we are back in the pool, I have to once again get used to having my phone with me at all times, anticipating each call, taking in a lot of information, and deciding whether to be profiled or not.  And I do wonder what it will be like getting that first profiling call again.  Will we have the same excitement, or will we be more wary throughout the process this time?

And so, while we are prepared to wait again, I am trying to once again savor and enjoy the time that we have together as a married couple.  To give up my timeline and thoughts of what life would be like right now and instead embrace the fact that it will change soon enough.  Looking at our beautiful nursery, all of our cute baby gear, I can't wait to use it.  I can't wait for the day when Little L is placed in our arms forever.  When I can sneak in and watch him or her sleeping.  I just can't wait.

That's where we are at.  Moving forward in hope, with faith.  Please pray for us as we continue on!