#12 December date

December's date was a day trip out to Skaneateles to enjoy the Dickens Christmas Festival.  We went last year for the first time when I had already planned this date as part of his Christmas present and Col surprised me with spending the day there for my birthday.  We were excited to bring Ephraim along this time and he happily snoozed in the Bjorn while we walked around.  It was busy but we enjoyed the shops and festivities, along with a stop at Mirbeau for the free cookies and cocoa.  A fantastic date to finish off the year!

2 months

turning 28

While nothing extraordinary, this birthday was so much better than last year's.  I was depressed as I turned 27 because we had recently had our failed match, and the timeline where I saw myself at that age was not reality.  It's always hard for me to let go of my own plan, and so it wasn't easy for me to have another birthday without knowing when we would become parents.

This year however, we had our Bubs!  Since I'm on leave, I enjoyed the morning with him, my friend and her son at breakfast.  Then I hung out at home until Col got out of work, and we went to Olive Garden for lunch.  Ephraim slept the whole time, and it was nice to get out and enjoy each other's company.  In the evening after he went to bed, we had ice cream sundaes and watched Elf.  I was reminded how I need to always remember that we'll never know where life will take us in a day, week, month, or year.  Could I have pictured spending my 28th birthday with a 2-month old babe in my arms?  Never!  So this year, I am so thankful that God sees the future and I can rest in that truth.  Instead of worrying, I need to just enjoy every day that I'm given!

Parent Child Dedication

We were beyond excited and blessed to be able to participate in Parent Child Dedication at our church this year.  I love this Sunday once a year when I can see the beautiful pictures of children and their families and witness the parents' commitment to raise their children up to love and know God.  As much as I love it, I have to admit that the last few years it brought tears to my eyes while I grieved our infertility, failed match, and adoption wait.  But this year, we were up there!  We invited some family and friends to the service to witness our commitment and had breakfast with our family afterward.  What a special day, one that we never thought would happen this year!

Christmas tree cutting 2014

Thanksgiving 2014

This was our busiest Thanksgiving ever!  We had four days of family time, but it was for a wonderful reason, introducing Ephraim!  Wednesday evening we spent with Colin's mom's side of the family for a traditional Thanksgiving meal.  Thanksgiving day we relaxed at home until the afternoon when we had a relaxing, low-key Thanksgiving meal with my in-laws, sis- and bro-in-law, and nieces.  And Friday was spent once again at my in-laws with Colin's dad's side of the family for a yummy soup sampler dinner.  Ephraim got to be loved on by his great aunts and uncles and great grandparents.

Saturday evening (after our first date night out since bringing Ephraim home!), we spent the night at my parents house and went to church with them.  We then got to see a good number of my relatives, many extended who we don't see often.  It was another relaxing, fun day hanging out with family.

We are so blessed this year with much to be thankful for.  So glad we could spend this year with our little man!

#10 October date

October's date was celebrated a month late, but for good reason ;) The date was dinner at Yianni's, an Italian restaurant near our college where we celebrated our one month dating anniversary and our graduation.  They have great early bird specials, and while we are usually the youngest ones there, we love it!  We hadn't been there in years, so it was great to re-visit, not to mention it was our first date night since Ephraim joined our family!

FAQ's about Little L

Hi everyone!  We've had a slow morning around the house today, which has been nice.  But now that Bubs is sleeping and Col's off working, I thought I would try to catch up on some blogging!  This morning while lying in bed I was running through this post in my head, so it's time to finally get it written!

We've been asked some questions since bringing Little L home, and I thought I would cover those that have been asked the most frequently.  If you have any others, I'd love to read them in the comments!

Q : How do you say his name?

A : Ephraim is pronounced "ef-ruhm"

Q : How did you come up with his name, Ephraim Jacob? / Did you name him?

A : Yes, we named him.  I first heard the name Ephram in the show Everwood which I watched in High School (I know, kind of lame).  The name is also in the Bible (spelled Ephraim and often pronounced differently), and means "fruitful."  I've loved it for many years, and we are so excited to finally get to use it!  Colin came up with the middle name of Jacob to go along with it.

We did decide on a nickname a while ago to use alongside Ephraim and in case he hates having a "different" name someday, which is E.J.

Q : What is his nationality?

A : Little L's nationality is American (he was born in Buffalo).  But I know that the question everyone means to ask is, what is his ethnic/racial background?  He is bi-racial, half Caucasian and half African American.

Q : What do you know about his parents?

A :  Everything actually because that's us!  As for his birth parents, we have minimal information as everything happened very fast with his case (less than 24 hours!).  The information that we do have, we are limiting our sharing of because even though we are very open and love to talk about adoption, we realize that this information is a part of Ephraim's story, not ours.  We will share with him all the details that we have as he grows and his adoption will also be known to him, but it will ultimately be his choice whether or not, and what, he shares with people about his birth family and background.

Q : Did you meet his birth mom?

A : No.  Unfortunately per her the adoption is closed at this time.  This is where most people say that it's better that way, and I wholeheartedly disagree.  We are open to an open adoption, open to the point of having contact and visits every year with birth families.  This does not mean that we would be co-parenting or "sharing" him.  He is not an object which we have won.  He is a child who should have the opportunity to know his biological parents.  When you are educated on the positive impact this has especially on the children involved in the adoption triad (child, birth parents, and adoptive parents), it is extremely disappointing when you are not able to have that relationship.  We loved meeting the potential birth mom from our first match.  And we would love to have that connection for Ephraim, so that he could know his roots, ask questions that we don't have answers to (and there are many), and physically see and understand the love that everyone has for him.  At this time, we send pictures and letters to the agency, and we are praying that someday a relationship can be formed and the adoption opened.

Q : Isn't there a time period where the birth parents can decide to parent even after making an adoption plan?

A : Yes, in New York State birth parents can change their minds within 30 days of when the paperwork was signed/placement happened.  For us, that was on October 16th, and we are past that 30 day period.  All that is left are completing our three post-placement visits with our social worker (we've had one so far), and then finalization which happens at court and with our attorney.  This usually takes up to a year because the courts are slow, but we aren't worried as it's a formality.  We will get his social security number and birth certificate at that time, but he's already a permanent, real part of our family and we don't need the courts to tell us that :)

We are over-the-moon in love with our little guy as are our families and friends.  We feel extremely blessed to be given the opportunity to raise him.  People often say that a child who has been adopted is lucky, but we are truly the lucky ones.  It's also not lost on me that our adoption fundraiser puzzle was completed the day Ephraim was born, and that his birth and placement was almost exactly a year after our first match (he was born 10/14/14, she was born 10/17/13).  God works in mysterious ways!

1 month

part 3 : supporting adoptive families

Posting Part 3 of one of my favorite blog posts ever.  I posted Part 1 here and Part 2 here, but am so excited to finally do the last installment as we are now home with our baby!

It's a little late since we've been home for a little over a week now (and I am embarrassingly behind here on very important updates!), but we are experiencing so much of this from our amazing families and friends.  Thank you all!

Millions of Miles: Supporting Adoptive Families

3. Once families are home:

•All the same rules apply as when you bring a baby home from the hospital. Bring food, offer to coordinate meals and food drop-offs for church groups. Come over and clean. Wash clothes and put away laundry. Wash dishes. Do not believe the A.F. when they say they do not need help. THEY DO!

•Respect the A.F's rules regarding holding their new addition. Many families may wish to not have any outsiders (this includes Grandma!) holding their child so that this child who has been with many caregivers can learn who mom and dad are. A.F's do not do this to hurt your feelings. They are only doing what they feel is best for their new child. Do not make them feel bad about this.

•Also- sometimes to foster attachment in our adopted kiddos, the parent's don't want to leave them with a sitter or family member for a long period of time after coming home. Understand that this is not because the family member or sitter is not trusted or loved. It is just to help give the new child the right sense of family and permanence.

•Offer to run the carpool, run errands, cut the grass, babysit the siblings, pick up items at the grocery. New moms are notoriously sleep deprived- even if this is the 10th child they've adopted. Drop over a huge cup of Starbucks. Say hello at the door with said cup of coffee and leave.

•Give gift cards for takeout and pizza- so that long after the food welcome wagon has stopped coming, the family can still eat without having to cook! Seriously- who wants to cook when you've been up all night with a crying baby?

•Even though the A.F. did not give birth, families who are bringing home new children will be exhausted from long nights in the hospital (domestic adoption), long flights or a week or two in a foreign land with a new child who has most likely been screaming non-stop or acting out because the child has no idea what is happening to them. Give the A.F. the forum to share how ragged they are. Do not judge them. Every single part is not going to be perfect. Let them get how hard it all is off their chest without feeling guilty about it.

•Watch for post adoption depression. It is a real thing. Just because a woman isn't flooded with pregnancy hormones, doesn't mean that she can't develop depression. There is a lot of leadup going into an adoption and sometimes the reality is tough and can lead to lots of emotional ugliness. Be supportive.

•Do not expect adoptive parents to be "super parents". I find that there is a huge stigma that adoptive families should have it all together because they "paid a lot" for their children. All families are on a learning curve- no matter how they got their children. Do not be quick to dispense advice if you've never adopted a child (because parenting an adopted child in the early days is a lot different than a biological child), but be quick to say, "How can I help?"- Then be willing to actually help!

•Most of all, share in the joy that comes with bringing a new child into the family!

See the whole post here.

Halloween 2014

This year we were a little behind for Halloween, but for the best reason possible.  Even though we didn't have time to carve our pumpkin and Col and I didn't dress up, we got to enjoy our first holiday as a family of three!

pumpkin shirt for pediatrician appointment

our little pumpkin

Happy Halloween!

the story of Little L : part 2

Thursday morning while we were getting ready, I received a call from the agency.  All too familiar with the pain of last year's morning-of call, I made Col answer it because I just couldn't.  Thankfully, it was just a call to adjust our arrival time to the agency by a half an hour.  Phew!  We finished our errands and headed out, when I got another call.  I answered and told our family advocate that she was killing us with all her calls!  She agreed but said that she made sure to make her voice upbeat, because these were thankfully happy calls!  She wanted us to know that Ephraim's birth mom had signed the paperwork, so we were on track to continue there.  It was nice to know that we didn't have to wonder on our drive there, but we couldn't believe that this was finally really happening!

Once at the agency, we signed the placement paperwork and then followed another social worker to the hospital where he was.  We blindly went in, up the elevator and through the doors to the NICU.  Then into the room he was in, where she led us to the back left corner, to peer in and see our beautiful, tiny bundle!  I immediately began crying because it was just so amazing to see this precious babe who was now our son!  She took a few pictures, introduced us to some of the hospital staff who got us set up at the Ronald McDonald House, and soon left.  We learned more about why he was there and even had to sign a consent form for a procedure for him that evening.  Talk about being rushed into parenthood!  It was a blur of an evening but so amazing to finally hold our son, this baby who we and many others have prayed for!

Ephraim was on antibiotics for pneumonia, however his labs came back clear that he never had the infection nor any others.  But because the course had been started, he had to finish it out for the full seven days.  Also, he had low blood sugar and was first receiving glucose in an IV to supplement his regular feedings.  When that wasn't enough to get his numbers up, he was given a PIC line which more directly delivered the glucose.  Over a few days, they were able to quickly decreased the amount of glucose that he was given and then he was off the line.  It was wonderful to watch his numbers get better so quickly, and he spent the second week at the hospital completely off any glucose.  His numbers were monitored every three hours, and they wanted him to maintain a certain level for 24 hours.  While he did well, he would often have one borderline low number each 24 hour period, usually around 3a.  So we waited and waited for his body to regulate.  The doctors and nurses were not concerned as this is a common issue that they see, especially in smaller babies.  He was deemed full-term, but born at 5 lbs. 7 oz.  They reassured us that his body would regulate on its own, it just took time.

We invited our parents and Colin's sister and brother-in-law to come up on Friday to meet him, and that was a fun day.  We enjoyed the weekend, with visits from our parents again.

Colin had to leave on Monday and come back to work.  I was fortunate to have my mom stay with me for a couple of nights and days, my mother-in-law come up for an evening, and my dad sit with me on Friday.  It was rough, draining, and exhausting to be in the hospital for those 11 days.  I constantly reminded myself that I had much to be grateful for as Ephraim was doing well, and the preemies who we shared rooms with would be there for months, not weeks.  But it was a new experience and overwhelming as we waited for him to regulate.  It was hard being there every day, usually from 9a to 9p, while Col was back in Rochester.  We missed each other, him wanting to be in Buffalo and me wanting to be home, missing my bed, bathroom, house, and dog.  We just wanted Ephraim to come home but knew we couldn't rush the process and wanted him healthy most of all.  There were a few moments while there that were the most overwhelming for me, as the emotions of our super fast placement and the days in the NICU wore on me.

We were blessed by being able to stay at the Ronald McDonald House, which was overall amazing.  We couldn't say enough about it, and it was especially great once Colin left because they offered a shuttle to and from the hospital so I didn't have to worry about not having a car there.  Meals were made every day and the fully-stocked kitchen was always open.  It was a comfortable, safe, and very minimally priced place to stay, which was greatly appreciated.  That first night when we checked in, I looked around at the families eating dinner and was speechless at how, in 24 hours, everything had changed.  I was a MOM and a NICU mom.  Crazy how life happens, isn't it?

Thankfully, we were able to hold him whenever we wanted, change and feed him every time we were there, and some nurses even began including us in other aspects of his care since we were there so much.  We took his temperature every time they did vitals, and I got to give him a sponge bath one evening.  The nurses and doctors were amazing, and we got to know a few of them who worked multiple days during our time there.  I sometimes felt like I was a tech in the room, joking with them, getting used to all the monitors, beeps, etc.  I became proficient at changing and moving him with all of his wires attached.  And it was comforting for me as a new mom to always know what his oxygen levels were.  

On Friday, they said that we would probably be discharged on Saturday but that they were sending me home with a glucometer to check his blood sugar ourselves every three hours.  I was taught how to use it, and felt comfortable as I had seen it done a million times already.  Colin came back up that evening after work, and we were reunited again.  

We were happily discharged on Saturday late afternoon and finally arrived home as a family of three!

Everything changed for us in 24 hours.  God is SO good and faithful!

the story of Little L : part 1

It was a typical Wednesday (as they always are).  At 4p, I got a call from our adoption agency, and as I ran into the nearest closet at work to take the call (any extra offices and the conference room were being used), our family advocate told me that they had a last minute profiling opportunity where the baby had been born the day before.  They needed to know by 4:45p that day if we would like to move forward and be profiled.  I began my stalker-calling of Colin, who was working with gym full of kindergarten through second graders, so I had to repeatedly call and text in order for him to 1) feel his phone go off and 2) realize that there was an immediate need.  I ran through the details of the case with him, and we both quickly agreed that we were fine with moving forward.  I called our agency back, did a little quick research, and finished up my workday.  As I began my drive home, I felt like this call was different for some reason.  Why I wasn't sure, because I had become very good at just thinking that it would be another "no."  However, I started to pray non-stop about it.  At 5:15, I received a call from our agency again.  Having no time to hook up my blue-tooth, I answered after a quick debate and decided that I did not want to miss this call.  Asked if I was driving, I was instructed to pull over.  I still wasn't really feeling anything either way, just a calm as I found a parking lot and put the car in park.  Our family advocate then said, "I'm calling because I wanted to tell you that you have been chosen!"  I was in complete shock, I believe I asked, "Really?!," and began to cry.  She proceeded to go through the details and information that she needed that night and what we needed for the next day.  Still in shock, I finished my drive home, jumping in my seat, praising God out loud, and crying the whole way.

Once home, I could not wait to tell Colin.  Since he gets out of work at 6p, I knew I had until about 6:30 to try and wait patiently.  Running around the house like a chicken with my head cut off, I tried to figure out how I wanted to tell him.  I settled for making a sign and pulling out the Adoption STAR shirt we had from our first match.  Then I waited.  And waited.  At 6:45, he called and said he was just leaving now, the latest he's ever gotten out (go figure on this day of all days!).  He said I was probably texting him so much because dinner had been ready for a while (to which I replied, "Um, sure...").  I told him to hurry home and then decided I might as well make dinner since he was on his way.

When he walked through the door I couldn't contain my excitement, and told him that before he did anything else, he had to read this sign.  He seemed a little confused but quickly caught on, and I told him we had been chosen!

We tried to eat dinner, and then decided that while we knew all too well how quickly things could change at this point, we wanted to tell our parents and siblings.  So we used Mendon to tell our news.  The picture below was texted to our families, and both moms responded first asking for clarification.  Both on the phone at the same time, we told them that we were getting a puppy.  My mom resignedly said that was what she thought and went on and on about it before I interrupted her and said that was not true and that we had been chosen by a birthmom and were meting the baby the next day!  Colin's family was all in the car together, and he heard an audible collective sigh at the "puppy" news.  To which he also explained we were kidding and gave them the news.  The sweetest moment was when he heard our 5 year old niece get out of the car at the end of the call and say, "I can't wait to meet their new puppy!"  She hadn't caught on to the change in the conversation, but we knew she would be even more excited about a new cousin.

We called our employers and explained that we wouldn't be in the next day, then made lists of what we needed to get done.  I can't remember what time we climbed into bed, but I do know that I didn't sleep well.  I woke at some point in the early morning hours with major anxiety that once again we would find ourselves so close and things would change.  However, we spent the morning hours getting ready, installing the car seat, and packing overnight bags for our next adventure!

17th puzzle update!

Our puzzle is complete!  I am so excited to frame it and constantly look at all the wonderful people in our lives who already love Little L so much!  We are truly appreciative of every single one of your and your generous donations for this fundraiser.  Someday, when Little L is in our arms, we will show him or her over and over all the names of everyone who helped bring him or her home!

  

Special thanks to:

Lyndy

Carol, Rob & Joey

Valerie

Dad & basketball

Dad got to play on a basketball team for a fundraiser benefit against the Harlem Wizards (a step below the Harlem Globetrotters).  It was a fun night out with the fam seeing dad play for a bit :)

October is Pregnancy, Infant, and Child Loss Awareness Month

I posted this on Facebook recently, but feel that it is important and wanted to also write about it here.

Throughout our infertility/adoption journey, we have been fortunate to meet so many amazing people and become connected to a network of people through infertility and/or adoption, as well as those who have suffered miscarriages.  I feel as though infertility and miscarriages/infant death are still subjects that many keep to themselves, even though support and efforts are gaining ground.  However, I've also found that the biggest way to love and support is to be open with your own story so that you may bless another who is suffering through it. Ever since we went "public" with our journey, I've heard from so many people who have shared their own stories with me and thanked me for being open with ours.  Colin and I have also had the privilege of being a part of a loss photography project, which I hope to share with you all soon!  It's amazing how honesty in pain can open you up to so many new experiences and relationships.

Lastly, I am also a daughter to parents who lost a child at the age of 8 (when I was five) and a friend to many who have felt the loss of their babies in utero. October is Pregnancy, Infant, and Child Loss Awareness Month, and I'm sharing this in honor of those whose stories I know and those who are suffering in silence.  Please visit the link below for ways to help those who have experienced Pregnancy, Infant, and Child Loss.

http://stillstandingmag.com/2014/10/10-ways-honor-friends-child-died-october/

Brown's Berry Patch

Yearly Brown's Berry Patch trip!  I snapped a quick pic of my oldest niece and I on the hayride!

Baltimore

We drove down with Colin's parents to Baltimore on Friday for Colin's cousin's wedding.  Despite a few hiccups (such as, the hotel's fire alarm was going off right when we got there to check in - no worries, we got ready in time!), the wedding was absolutely beautiful with gorgeous details and an amazing venue.

 

10.3.14

Jenny & AJ

 

The next morning, the four of us walked around the harbor a little

before meeting Nells' cousin for lunch.  It was a fun, quick overnight!

 

progression of cars

My very first car, Stan the '91 Nissan Stanza

2004 - July 2009

(Went back to Gowanda with my parents until 

he was donated for scrap metal to raise money for missions.)

The first car I bought myself, Ellie the '08 Hyundai Elantra

July 2009 - March 2011 

(Sadly she met her quick demise after a 

blizzard-related accident a month before our wedding.)

The first car we bought together, Sookie the '08 Suzuki Sx4

June 2011 - present

(Still in the fam :))

Colin's first car, Mallory the '01 Chevy Malibu

Summer 2005 - September 2014

(The time has come when she requires repairs that cost more than her worth.  

However, she did get us a few hundred dollars as a trade-in for parts!)

And announcing the newest car member, Travis or Trixie 

(name still to be determined) the '09 Chevy Traverse!

September 2014 - a long, long time (hopefully!)

16th puzzle update!

6 more!  You know you want your name on the puzzle for Little L to see, right?! ;)

 

Special thanks to:

Avery & Connor

Reminiscing - 7 years

This past weekend, Col and I were able to go back to our alma mater, Roberts Wesleyan College, for a Live Love concert with The City Harmonic, Remedy Drive, and Rush of Fools (thanks to my dad for giving us his tickets).  There have been a lot of changes on campus since we graduated five years ago (eek!), and it was nice to be back.  It's Homecoming week and since we won't be attending our five year reunion this weekend, I wanted to take a quick walk around campus.  We checked out the new clock tower, renovations on a couple buildings, and the recent reno of the dining hall (thanks to the suggestion from a familiar staff member who we got to see!).  We were able to walk inside the dining hall, which has turned into a space that is open for more hours than before as a hang out and is more available for food.  It looks amazing!  So very different, but definitely a needed update.

The whole time I was reminded again of how awesome my college years were.  I loved RWC and always have fond memories of my time there.  We are still close with our group of friends, and some days I wish we could all be back there again, hanging out in our dorm, enjoying living life together.  I am a very strong advocate for living on campus in college and the experience that it gives.  Never in your life again do you have that chance to be independent yet not tied down to all of life's responsibilities (loan payments come after graduation ;)). 

But anyway, while briefly looking at one of the signs with the week's activities on it, I couldn't help but reminisce about a certain Homecoming week seven years ago.  It was the beginning of our junior year and Col and I had been friends for two years.  We had seen each other a few times over the summer, including a blast of a road trip that our group of friends took to visit our friend out-of-state, and had also been talking a lot.  When my parents moved that summer, he was the one I talked to on our first night in the new town.  Once we got back to school, we began spending a lot of evenings together walking around campus and getting to know each other even more.  We both had liked each other for a while, but I was hesitant due to an emotional experience with the end of my first and only other relationship a couple years prior.  Col jokes that I was so slow with my "I'm not ready yet...," but he stuck it out.  During Homecoming week I remember our group of friends was sitting in our triple doing homework when Col stole my planner and wrote on it (which my OCD-self hated, and he knew it).  He circled the date of Tuesday, September 25th when the bonfire was the evening activity and wrote, "I think you should go to this."  I wasn't sure if I was going to go, but at his prompting I did.  Afterwards, Col and I took a walk down to the pond, sat in the grass and watched a storm roll in.  On our way back to the dorms, I remember the feeling of knowing that he wanted to "make it official" but he wasn't saying anything.  I said, "Aren't you going to ask me?" or something along those lines, and after a, "Are you going to say yes?," he did.

I've been thinking about this since Friday, and I wanted to find time to write this blog post for today, because it is the 25th.  We don't celebrate our dating anniversary, but here's to seven years since that Homecoming week when we finally made it official.  Our friends and families knew it was coming, and I'm so glad it did.  We've never looked back (nor have we had to), and I am so thankful for God's orchestration in getting us both to RWC.  Col almost ended up at St. John Fisher, and I was set on Grove City, but through different circumstances we found ourselves there, and I am forever convinced that I wouldn't have wanted to go anywhere else.

to ask or not to ask [adoption waiting]

Many of our family members and friends have commented in conversation about if or how they should ask us about our adoption process.  We greatly appreciate that people are being sensitive as this has been and continues to be a difficult time for us as we wait and experience the many emotional highs and lows.  We always want to be open and honest about all the aspects of our process, and so I thought I would try to share my feelings a little more here.

We are at all times willing to talk about our adoption process.  I love sharing our story, even if sometimes on the hard days I forget that.  One thing that makes this hard for both us and those who are asking is that oftentimes our answers aren't very informative, or rather, we have no answers at all.  This is because we simply have no new news to share.  And because of how quickly news can change (as we are well-aware), we are practicing some self-preservation by not notifying others of profiling calls until after we have heard back that we have not been chosen.  It's easier to do this because we have so many people in our lives to share the news with, but it's too hard to get others excited and then have to re-contact everyone to share our disappointment.  We know that most everyone is willing to ride these ups and downs with us and support us through them, but we are trying to manage our own expectations when we get these calls, therefore it's easier to just fill everyone in afterwards.  If you are ever wondering what has been happening lately, you can always check our adoption timeline.

There are also some well-meaning comments that we receive often which actually do bother me.  I've found that with most I'm not easily offended and will happily inform, educate, or answer.  Very few have upset me but with those that do, I'm learning to practice grace.  Some days I fail at that.  It's true that right now we are feeling kind of "over it" in terms of our journey as a whole.  If you want to ask about the process, by all means please do.  Just be prepared that I am gong to be honest about how we are feeling at that time.  No, I will most likely not become a huge ball of tears, anxiety, and emotion (although this has happened...), but please know that we are not going to sugar-coat the difficult aspects of the process.

Here are some of the frustrating comments we hear most often:

• "It's ok, you have lots of time" or "You're so young!" : Anything along the lines about how young we are really rubs me the wrong way.  While I am more sensitive to the topic because I am often mistaken to be anywhere from 9-14 years younger than I actually am, I ask that you hear me out on this.  Yes, I understand that we are a couple of 27 year olds (and in my case a trying-not-to-think-about-it-almost-28-year-old) and that in our culture today it is more common for people to wait longer to have kids, etc.  But in our case, we always wanted to be young parents.  My parents had their children all before my mom was 30, and we also have many other family members and friends who have or are having their children in their mid-20's.  We always wanted to start the process of growing our family after being married for 2 years, and that is what we did.  To me, yes I am young in general, but I do not feel young in respect to how I pictured our family at our age now.  While this is something that I am continually working on by letting my plans go and allowing God's to be, I still encourage those who have said or thought this to put themselves in our shoes.  Think back to when you started to work toward growing your family and when you felt that was best for yourself.  You may have been younger or older than us, but the jist is that it was what you felt was best for you and this is what we feel is best for us.  So while we may be young to some, it is what we wanted, and it's hard to watch the time stretch by.  Again, think back to when you were trying to get pregnant and maybe it took longer than you expected.  Those days, weeks, and months of waiting is exactly how we are feeling too.  Solidifying the difficulty is the fact that we can't "just get pregnant" and try adoption later.  This is the way that we can grow our family, and the way that we have fully embraced.

• "Are you sure your agency is doing everything they can for you?" or "The system is messed up!" : Ok, this could go in a million directions and probably be its own post, but I will keep it simple: we have the utmost confidence that our agency is doing everything they can.  They are well-established, have an amazing track record, and offer more services and education for both birth families and adoptive families than many other agencies (which is very important to us).  No agency is perfect, but so much of the process is out of both our hands and their hands.  We are being profiled a lot more than many other families (because of how open our grids are), and since we have done everything we can in our control, the agency is able to do what they can for us by profiling us with cases that they know we are open to.  After that, no one except the prospective birthmom and God can control what happens from there.  They can not, nor should they, influence the choice that the prospective birthmother makes because she is the one who needs to feel confident in the family she is considering for her child.  Not to mention, I get the feeling that our agency is also wondering why our journey is taking longer than the average, but this again comes back to the fact that none of us can know or understand because it's ultimately up to God.

• And for those who may wonder about our limitations or are just curious, here's a refresher : We are open to either gender, any and all races and ethnicities, and any state within the U.S.  The health history/exposures grid is a lot more complicated, but we are open to considering a lot.  We have asked for advice from our agency, and we are going to update a few details in our profile book (such as Colin's job change), even though they feel that our profile is a great representation of us and our life.  There are no easy answers or fixes and along with us, our agency feels like we have done well with what we can, and that unfortunately it is what it is.

The good news is that we have been profiled a lot.  While it's emotional and difficult because this stacks up to more no's, it's also encouraging knowing that we have had more chances.  The fact that we have been getting calls and had recent opportunities is better than waiting for months with nothing.  And I think it's God's reminder that no matter what happens or how many opportunities we receive, He is the only one to know what baby (and hopefully, babies) we will have the privilege of raising.  Since He already knows, we have to rest assured in that, even when it takes every ounce of our strength.  

#9 September date

September's date was playing disc golf!  We checked it out once a few years ago because a local park has a course, and even though we didn't know what we were doing, we had fun.  Since we hadn't returned, I thought it would be fun to try it out again, especially since we had recently acquired some free golf discs (which worked much better than a regular Frisbee ;))!  The weather warmed up, so the day we picked was perfect!  We both played much better, and Col even got used to a new type of disc golf throw.

 

15th puzzle update!

Only 8 pieces left!!  SO close!

Special thanks to:

Donnie & Marcie

Gilmore Girls reading challenge - book 7

September 2014: Babe

14th puzzle update!

Only 11 pieces left!!

 

Special thanks to:

Linda & Brian