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Special thanks to:
Andrew & Allison
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Sunday, March 23, 2014
#3 March date
Date #3 was to the Waterloo Outlet Mall! We usually just enjoy looking around, but this time we found a ton of great deals! Col made out like a bandit and got a new coat, a few shirts, and new sneakers. I got a shirt, sneakers, and a few odds and ends. The best part was that almost everything we got wasn't just at the outlet but in the clearance sections. We love a good deal, and it was a fun day out together :)
Friday, March 21, 2014
waiting and planning
You know what's hard? Wanting to plan something and not being able to do it. Because we have no idea when a baby may enter our lives, it's so hard to make plans that go into the future. For example, I would love to visit my brother in L.A. because we haven't been out there at all in the years that he's lived there. But it's hard to book flights without knowing if we'll have an infant then. If we knew, we could plan and travel when we felt comfortable, not with a newborn, etc. I've had to tell people that I would be available for two different commitments that are a few months away, but on a "play it by ear" basis. Which is fine, but as a Type A planner, it is such a struggle for me! Everything is, "If we have Little L by then..." At the same time I'm always hoping that we do have Little L by then!
I have to remember that only the Lord knows the true timing of everything in our lives. Even when we do plan things, no one knows if we'll be able to carry them out. God knows our steps, our breaths. But sometimes it's so hard with the adoption waiting game to continue to enjoy life and make plans for fun activities, trips, and events! We are adamant about living and loving as we wait, of having a full life together, but I just wish I knew what and how much I could do and when. Because I would be happy to adjust my plans to love on Little L, you know? :)
I have to remember that only the Lord knows the true timing of everything in our lives. Even when we do plan things, no one knows if we'll be able to carry them out. God knows our steps, our breaths. But sometimes it's so hard with the adoption waiting game to continue to enjoy life and make plans for fun activities, trips, and events! We are adamant about living and loving as we wait, of having a full life together, but I just wish I knew what and how much I could do and when. Because I would be happy to adjust my plans to love on Little L, you know? :)
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
adoption vs. pregnancy: I know it's different, but it's also the same...
This past weekend I spent an evening with a good friend from our church and community group. She and her husband are pursuing foster care and eventually adoption if it's an option with any of the children they are able to care for. We were discussing our frustrations with waiting and how conflicting it is to pray and be hopeful about new referrals because that means that there are babies in need, broken families, and hurt. While foster care and domestic infant adoption have their differences, I have also found comfort that someone else (who I see weekly) is going through many of the things that we are (lots of paperwork, classes, social worker visits, waiting, etc.).
She mentioned that people have altogether stopped asking them how their process is going, and I reflected some of the same sentiment. While I feel that in our case this is probably due to the fact that we have now had two failed matches and people are afraid to bring up the hurt from these, it's still been something that I've noticed more lately as well. As our conversation continued and I thought about it this weekend, it got me thinking more about how adoption is treated so differently than pregnancy. Yes, there are major differences, but the end result of a baby is the same (and isn't that what matters?). I commented on how a pregnant mother is constantly asked (sometimes so much to the point where it becomes an annoyance I've heard!) about the pregnancy: "How are you feeling? What cravings do you have? What random side effects has the pregnancy caused? Can I see ultrasound pictures? Have you felt the baby kick? Can I touch your belly? You're such a cute pregnant mama!" And while we do not have these tangible reminders of life growing in our own bodies, we do know the same feeling of our heart growing in love and yearning for our little one. Unfortunately with adoption, there is no set timetable when a baby will make its appearance. And because many families wait longer than 9 months, the journey may be forgotten in others' minds because there is no visual to accompany the time passing and the baby's arrival.
After a few other minor things sparked more thought into this, I became frustrated about the fact that adoption is treated differently. Because even if I am a glowing mother-to-be of 12 months that may extend to many more, I'm still a mother-to-be. And while some days my proverbial ankles will be swollen, my acid reflux will be causing pain, and my growing heart will feel like it has no more room for all the emotion, I'm still anxiously waiting for the day when I can see my baby's face for the first time just like any other mother.
At the same time, there is the awful realization that even if people ask how the adoption is going, we have nothing to tell. Once you are in the waiting phase, there may not be any day to day, week to week, month to month, or sometimes year to year change. You simply wait. So I almost feel bad that we don't have a better answer to give other than, "No, we haven't heard anything, we're still waiting," or, "Yes, hopefully soon!" Even so, you can still show your support. Overall, we have been blessed with this support, but we've also had our moments of being treated differently or being forgotten as expecting parents.
Below is just a small list of a few things to do when you aren't sure how to handle the uncertain time frames and differences in adoption vs. pregnancy:
1. Continue to invite to events/parties/baby showers, etc. ~ We don't want to feel left out, even though attending certain events may be hard. Keep inviting us and let us make our own decision about if we are emotionally able to go or not. Col and I have declined a few child-centered and even adoption-related things where we would be the only ones without a child, but we enjoy and continue to be involved in our families and friends' baby showers, kids' birthday parties, etc. Loving the children in our lives does not make it harder for us.
2. Continue to ask and care about the process ~ Even if adoption and foster care are foreign concepts to you, I don't think I've ever found someone involved in them that wasn't happy to talk about them. Don't be afraid to ask questions and engage in conversation, as long as you're willing to learn and gently be corrected if needed on more sensitive terminology.
3. Do realize that every adoption is different ~ Just because someone you know or heard about had their adoption happen one way, doesn't mean that because of a longer wait we are doing something wrong or can do something better. We are actually very open in many different ways, where we were assured that we wouldn't wait long. We have checked in with our agency and there isn't much else that we can change. We feel comfortable to what God has called us to and what we are able to handle medically and have stepped out in faith in many areas. We feel that we have shown that we are willing to follow Him wherever this process leads and that we have not limited ourselves. Just like in pregnancy, there are things that we have no control over.
4. Continue to check in on emotions ~ The time preparing for bringing a baby or child into your home is an emotional one, and this is no different for adoptive parents. Check in on how we are feeling. Offer support by making it known that you are there to listen. Spend time together doing something fun. Just like in pregnancy, not everything has to be about the baby. Enjoy the moment, too!
In the end, I think it boils down to the fact that expectant mothers want to be treated the same. Because no matter how a child comes into a family's life, it's a miracle. And each child should be happily anticipated the same as any other.
She mentioned that people have altogether stopped asking them how their process is going, and I reflected some of the same sentiment. While I feel that in our case this is probably due to the fact that we have now had two failed matches and people are afraid to bring up the hurt from these, it's still been something that I've noticed more lately as well. As our conversation continued and I thought about it this weekend, it got me thinking more about how adoption is treated so differently than pregnancy. Yes, there are major differences, but the end result of a baby is the same (and isn't that what matters?). I commented on how a pregnant mother is constantly asked (sometimes so much to the point where it becomes an annoyance I've heard!) about the pregnancy: "How are you feeling? What cravings do you have? What random side effects has the pregnancy caused? Can I see ultrasound pictures? Have you felt the baby kick? Can I touch your belly? You're such a cute pregnant mama!" And while we do not have these tangible reminders of life growing in our own bodies, we do know the same feeling of our heart growing in love and yearning for our little one. Unfortunately with adoption, there is no set timetable when a baby will make its appearance. And because many families wait longer than 9 months, the journey may be forgotten in others' minds because there is no visual to accompany the time passing and the baby's arrival.
After a few other minor things sparked more thought into this, I became frustrated about the fact that adoption is treated differently. Because even if I am a glowing mother-to-be of 12 months that may extend to many more, I'm still a mother-to-be. And while some days my proverbial ankles will be swollen, my acid reflux will be causing pain, and my growing heart will feel like it has no more room for all the emotion, I'm still anxiously waiting for the day when I can see my baby's face for the first time just like any other mother.
At the same time, there is the awful realization that even if people ask how the adoption is going, we have nothing to tell. Once you are in the waiting phase, there may not be any day to day, week to week, month to month, or sometimes year to year change. You simply wait. So I almost feel bad that we don't have a better answer to give other than, "No, we haven't heard anything, we're still waiting," or, "Yes, hopefully soon!" Even so, you can still show your support. Overall, we have been blessed with this support, but we've also had our moments of being treated differently or being forgotten as expecting parents.
Below is just a small list of a few things to do when you aren't sure how to handle the uncertain time frames and differences in adoption vs. pregnancy:
1. Continue to invite to events/parties/baby showers, etc. ~ We don't want to feel left out, even though attending certain events may be hard. Keep inviting us and let us make our own decision about if we are emotionally able to go or not. Col and I have declined a few child-centered and even adoption-related things where we would be the only ones without a child, but we enjoy and continue to be involved in our families and friends' baby showers, kids' birthday parties, etc. Loving the children in our lives does not make it harder for us.
2. Continue to ask and care about the process ~ Even if adoption and foster care are foreign concepts to you, I don't think I've ever found someone involved in them that wasn't happy to talk about them. Don't be afraid to ask questions and engage in conversation, as long as you're willing to learn and gently be corrected if needed on more sensitive terminology.
3. Do realize that every adoption is different ~ Just because someone you know or heard about had their adoption happen one way, doesn't mean that because of a longer wait we are doing something wrong or can do something better. We are actually very open in many different ways, where we were assured that we wouldn't wait long. We have checked in with our agency and there isn't much else that we can change. We feel comfortable to what God has called us to and what we are able to handle medically and have stepped out in faith in many areas. We feel that we have shown that we are willing to follow Him wherever this process leads and that we have not limited ourselves. Just like in pregnancy, there are things that we have no control over.
4. Continue to check in on emotions ~ The time preparing for bringing a baby or child into your home is an emotional one, and this is no different for adoptive parents. Check in on how we are feeling. Offer support by making it known that you are there to listen. Spend time together doing something fun. Just like in pregnancy, not everything has to be about the baby. Enjoy the moment, too!
In the end, I think it boils down to the fact that expectant mothers want to be treated the same. Because no matter how a child comes into a family's life, it's a miracle. And each child should be happily anticipated the same as any other.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Friday, March 7, 2014
adoption : one year in
This past weekend we had to update our registration with the agency, as it expires today, March 7th. I have been dreading doing any updating, just because that means that a year has gone by since we officially began our adoption journey. While it was pretty painless as not much has changed and the form is now online, it still requires a small fee and the realization that we are going to begin hitting one year marks.
I honestly thought that we wouldn't have to update anything, as everyone at the agency felt that we would adopt quickly. However, God is the only one who knows His plans, the biggest of which is continuing to teach me to let go of my own plans and timeline. It's a tough lesson for me, one that I fear I'll never master. But I'm going to keep trying and keep hoping while I try.
Continue to pray for us. Many days I am discouraged and feel like a baby will never be in our arms or home. I look around our nursery at all the cute baby things that were given us at our showers and long to use them. I'm drawn to random babies that we see out and about. Other days I wonder if today will be the day we get the call that will change our lives forever. Because you never know, it could be!
Want a tangible way to help us as we wait? Our puzzle is still waiting to be finished for Little L. We've almost had two placements, both happened with some surprise in their timing, so you never know when we'll want and need to have it complete. Please think about it!
Thank you all for following our journey, through the ups and downs and long waiting periods. We can't wait to one day surprise everyone with a picture of Little L in our arms forever!
Want a tangible way to help us as we wait? Our puzzle is still waiting to be finished for Little L. We've almost had two placements, both happened with some surprise in their timing, so you never know when we'll want and need to have it complete. Please think about it!
Thank you all for following our journey, through the ups and downs and long waiting periods. We can't wait to one day surprise everyone with a picture of Little L in our arms forever!
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
encouraging songs: Press On by Building 429
Sometimes this world starts breaking me down
I get so lost I think I’ll never be found
And there are moments of fear and doubt
Even the best fall to the ground
I am a mess, I am a wrecking ball
I must confess that I still don’t get it all
Lord I believe that all Your words are true
Doesn’t matter where I’m going if I’m going with You
I press on, I press on, I press on
When I still don’t get it
I see the world through my jaded eyes
I get frustrated when there is no Why
I put my focus on worthless things
Even the strong fall to their knees
God only knows what we all need
I am a mess, I am a wrecking ball
I must confess that I still don’t get it all
Lord I believe that all your words are true
Doesn’t matter where I’m going if I’m going with You
I press on, I press on, I press on
When I still don’t get it
Life goes on, life goes on
But Your love will prove
All I need, all I need
I will find in You
Life goes on, life goes on
But Your love will prove
All I need, all I need
I will find in You
I press on
I am a mess, I am a wrecking ball
I must confess that I still don’t get it all
Lord I believe that all Your words are true
Doesn’t matter where I’m going if I’m going with You
I press on, I press on
I press on, I press on
When I still don’t get it
Life goes on, life goes on
But Your love will prove
All I need, all I need
I will find in You
Life goes on, life goes on
But Your love will prove
All I need, all I need
I press on
I get so lost I think I’ll never be found
And there are moments of fear and doubt
Even the best fall to the ground
I am a mess, I am a wrecking ball
I must confess that I still don’t get it all
Lord I believe that all Your words are true
Doesn’t matter where I’m going if I’m going with You
I press on, I press on, I press on
When I still don’t get it
I see the world through my jaded eyes
I get frustrated when there is no Why
I put my focus on worthless things
Even the strong fall to their knees
God only knows what we all need
I am a mess, I am a wrecking ball
I must confess that I still don’t get it all
Lord I believe that all your words are true
Doesn’t matter where I’m going if I’m going with You
I press on, I press on, I press on
When I still don’t get it
Life goes on, life goes on
But Your love will prove
All I need, all I need
I will find in You
Life goes on, life goes on
But Your love will prove
All I need, all I need
I will find in You
I press on
I am a mess, I am a wrecking ball
I must confess that I still don’t get it all
Lord I believe that all Your words are true
Doesn’t matter where I’m going if I’m going with You
I press on, I press on
I press on, I press on
When I still don’t get it
Life goes on, life goes on
But Your love will prove
All I need, all I need
I will find in You
Life goes on, life goes on
But Your love will prove
All I need, all I need
I press on
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Oscar Fest 2014
Yes, Col and I were on the red carpet last night (didn't you see us?). And yes, I'm wearing designer couture (of course!). And yes, Col may have three arms. ;) But hey, we both won an Oscar!
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