adoption renewal paperwork

One of my goals over the long weekend was to sit down and get our adoption paperwork done once and for all.  The packet of all too familiar items had been sitting on our kitchen island far too long, and I knew that because my motivation was pretty non-existent, I would have to set a goal for myself to be able to check off. 

 

Sunday night, my original night to tackle the pile, came and went, and so we sat down Monday night, pretty tired after days of working outside (probably not the best combination of it being the last night of a long weekend and being completely wiped out).  Despite that, we were able to complete everything.  I was extremely upset with myself because I had not made copies last year of the two hardest packets to fill out, which required lots of file-pulling, number-crunching, and general annoyance.  I was so looking forward to being able to copy over a lot of the information since not much has changed, but alas, I was taught my lesson once more.  Everything else had been copied (which came in handy a little), but I remember last year 1) wanting to get everything out ASAP, and 2) assuming that we wouldn't need to do this again.  Silly me!

 

However, after a few grumblings and frustration, we came out alive around 11p with our paperwork complete!  And so this bad boy went in the mail today, and we are on our way to renewal (I know, the picture of the envelope isn't very exciting, but I had to do something!).

 

 

Last steps: our medical forms/doctor's appointments and re-filling out the grid, which we have revisited a few times since the start of our journey and which shouldn't take long to do once more.  After those are in, we'll schedule another home visit with our social worker.

oh to just have a physical appointment

Our adoption update requires us to get our physicals done again.  Not long after finding out that we would have to re-do the physical forms, I called my PCP to set up an appointment, knowing that I should do so before getting the forms from the agency.  They were booked and the earliest they could offer me was July 1st.  However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it would be too late because the social worker won't set up the home study visit until all of our paper is in and approved.  Since our expiration date is July 20 and the report takes a week or two to complete, we would be cutting it super close.  I called back today and tried to appeal my case, but they had no cancellations nor could they put me on a list.  I was frustrated, trying to be understanding (since I work in a doctor's office, I truly understand the receptionist's plight), but also trying to be firm that I needed to have this done sooner and why.  I hung up and started to tear up but decided that this would work out and I would appeal to our agency after our other paperwork is in to see if they would set up the meeting with the understanding that I would send in my medical form ASAP after my appointment that day.  I've read other blogs about how people have had to be firm to get appointments they need for their adoptions, but their appeals always worked.  I was discouraged and wondering if I should have done more, but didn't want to be mean or rude.

An hour later, the receptionist at my doctor's office called me sounding all excited.  She had maneuvered some things around and moved someone else's appointment.  She could offer me an early June appointment!  Not only that, but I'm already off work that day.  I graciously accepted it not caring what time it was, and probably said thank you about 10 times.  After giving me such a resolute no earlier, I am so grateful that she decided to see what she could do.  So now I'm that annoying patient, the kind who drove me nuts when I worked at the front desk, but I feel that God definitely worked in the situation!  Hooray!

on updating

Sorry for the lull, life has been busy and I haven't had much inspiration to write.  But I want to make sure to chronicle the latest in our adoption.

We recently met with the Director of Adoption at our agency in Buffalo.  When we got our renewal paperwork, it was suggested that if we hadn't done so in a while, to schedule a face-to-face meeting to talk about how things are going and moving forward.  Since our family advocate is out on maternity leave, Kathy was nice enough to meet with us.  We knew the meeting wouldn't change anything, but I felt that we should do it because it also couldn't hurt.  And I wanted to make sure that since our advocate was out, everyone who was covering was on the same page as to where we have been, where we are, and where we're going.

We hadn't been to the agency in a long time, since we signed paperwork for our first match, but it was good to be back.  It's such an inviting place.  Kathy was so nice, and the meeting went really well.  We talked about how the past year has been, she gave a lot of weight to our failed matches instead of brushing over them for which I was thankful, and she was encouraging.  We talked about our infertility, feelings after the failed matches, and a bit of our story.  It was so nice to just talk about everything with someone, because I feel like we never had the chance to do that with someone there before.  We asked what we could do moving forward and she said that usually they have a lot of suggestions for people, but in our case she didn't really have a lot.  Our grids are so open that we aren't restricting ourselves in that way, and the only thing we could do is change our profile book into a bound soft cover and/or put our profile online.  While we don't plan to do either at the moment because we just sent them 3 new books and we don't want to incur more costs right now, it was encouraging to know that we aren't holding ourselves back.  It was also a little frustrating because it would be easier to have "easy" answers as to why we are at this stage in the process a year later, but she had our file in front of her and was explaining how we've gotten almost all of the profiling opportunity calls that they have had this past year.  Our page is almost full whereas many families get to their one year mark and have only had a few calls.  This is because we are so open in our grids, so that was good.  Now we just have to get someone to pick us and the choice to stick!  God knows who that will be and will continue to prepare us for that day.

She answered all of our questions and even said that she was glad we didn't say yes to being profiled for the latest call we had received, a case through an attorney in Florida.  We declined mostly because the fees were almost double the usual amounts, even with our agency lowering their placement fee.  It was also a case with a few more risk factors.  She said that it was smart that we know we can say no, and we talked about how hard that is, but she reminded us that if we were chosen for that case, she isn't due until October.  We would miss out on any cases until then, and if the adoption didn't go through, we would be back at square one and having been "out" of the pool for those 5 months.

One piece that we learned that is disheartening is that they are only working with about 4 or 5 birth moms right now.  While this can change, they never have control over how many women come to them and when.  Prayer that these birthmoms will get the support they need and that others will find Adoption S.T.A.R.

We left our meeting and decided to grab a bite to eat before heading back.  While waiting for our food, Kathy emailed us the answers to two questions that she had to ask about.  The fact that she responded so quickly was outstanding, especially because it was a financial question.  We got home and found the paperwork in our mailbox.  Because it's a legal file, all of our paperwork is only good for one year.  I have looked at it, put it down, and left it on the counter, but I've had no motivation to work on it.  Prayer also that we can take the time to sit down and get it all done soon.  That way we'll have done our part, and we can continue to wait for God to do His.

in the thick of it

Friends it's time for an adoption update.  Because I'm struggling, and I need to write.  So no, unfortunately this will not be a happy update.

We had another profiling opportunity this month, and it was a twin case.  I was SO excited!  My mom always joked with us that we would get twins.  And I was thinking how maybe then we could go through this process once and be done.  Which is quite appealing right now (and financially much more do-able).  We once again tried not to get our hopes up, but honestly every single day the opportunity was on my mind and it's hard not to picture.  These last two weeks felt like an eternity as we waited to hear.  We got the call today that we were not chosen.

This coming after receiving a letter in the mail yesterday about our home study expiring in 90 days.  I knew it was coming, but since we don't expire until the end of July, I figured I had some time before freaking out (and was trying not to think about it yet so that said freak out wouldn't ensue earlier than necessary).  What I didn't realize is that we have to re-do everything, not just the social worker's visit, but our doctor's visits, etc.  We had already gotten a few things in the mail and updated them, so I assumed all the paperwork would be done that way, and then we could just worry about the home study in July.  I forgot that home study also means the paperwork.  And so, in order to have enough time to do it all so that we don't have a lapse, we need to start now.  Not only that but before we can be sent the paperwork to be done, we have to pay the home study renewal fee of $950.  And we have to renew our enrollment in the program, which is an annual fee of $600.  We are still trying to save enough money for if and when a placement occurs.

And so last night found me in a bad mood.  Wanting to give up.  Wishing things were different.  Missing babies who we got to name and for a few days got to rejoice in soon being home with us.  Wondering why with our open grids we still haven't had a placement.  Very much regretting that our home study social worker told us it would be quick (because even when you take comments like that with a grain of salt, you can't help but believe that the professional opinion is true).  Wondering why opening up to out of state has done nothing.  And once again stressing about finances and wishing that money, which shouldn't be an issue in finding homes for kids, wasn't a part of it.

Friends and family are having babies, enjoying time with mommy friends, and I feel like we are sitting on the sidelines not moving forward as those babies grow into toddlers and new babies come on the scene.  Who will our babies grow up with?  And I hate questioning our all-knowing, loving God, but I can't help but wonder why.  I hate feeling this way, my frustration taking over the hope that I had.  Deep down I know the process works, I've talked with and seen those families.  I know it's all in God's timing, that His will and plan are perfect, that we are young, that our families will help us with expenses, that everything happens for a reason.  But even so, I struggle.  And those who have been here know just how much of a struggle it is.  And for me, going through the adoption process also brings up all those wonderful emotions surrounding infertility too. 

Thank God we are doing this in His strength, because this girl's strength is fading fast.  Please pray for us as we find the fortitude to write the check, re-do doctor's appointments, paperwork, and later in July, social worker's visits.  And for our wait, oh the wait.  Thank you, we love and appreciate you all, without God and our support system we would be nothing.

As for you, Little L, may you come into our lives soon.  We are praying for you.

adoption : one year in

This past weekend we had to update our registration with the agency, as it expires today, March 7th.  I have been dreading doing any updating, just because that means that a year has gone by since we officially began our adoption journey.  While it was pretty painless as not much has changed and the form is now online, it still requires a small fee and the realization that we are going to begin hitting one year marks.

I honestly thought that we wouldn't have to update anything, as everyone at the agency felt that we would adopt quickly.  However, God is the only one who knows His plans, the biggest of which is continuing to teach me to let go of my own plans and timeline.  It's a tough lesson for me, one that I fear I'll never master.  But I'm going to keep trying and keep hoping while I try.

 

Continue to pray for us.  Many days I am discouraged and feel like a baby will never be in our arms or home.  I look around our nursery at all the cute baby things that were given us at our showers and long to use them.  I'm drawn to random babies that we see out and about.  Other days I wonder if today will be the day we get the call that will change our lives forever.  Because you never know, it could be!

Want a tangible way to help us as we wait?  Our puzzle is still waiting to be finished for Little L.  We've almost had two placements, both happened with some surprise in their timing, so you never know when we'll want and need to have it complete.  Please think about it!

Thank you all for following our journey, through the ups and downs and long waiting periods.  We can't wait to one day surprise everyone with a picture of Little L in our arms forever!